Monday, February 09, 2009

Who Am I?

This blog is a collection of my thoughts and memories of events in my life. On occasion I post pictures of myself and my husband or friends. When I first started my blog, I would post the pics then quickly take them down after a week or so, just to maintain anonymity. I've since restored most of the pictures.

My previous post had me contemplating moving to private mode. I reviewing whether I should revert back to anonymity, remove the pictures and posts that point to ME being the author of this blog or remain, as I always have been, an open book. The decision is quite a doozie!

I have suddenly become aware of how wide open I have made myself. I spill my deepest thoughts into the pages of my blog, almost as real as the thoughts I pour into my written journal. My life, past and present, are revealed in every line I scatter on these pages. At times, I confess my deepest heartaches, from the demise of my first marriage to my inability to successfully conceive and bare a child.

I also tell the story of how the love of my life entered my world. How he picked up all the pieces of my broken life and allowed me to glimpse into eternity. I reminisce often about past encounters. I dip and dab in the creation of fictitious characters and story lines. I change my position on several political topics, yet am constant on the need to fully rectify the plight of the ancestral people of Hawai'i.

It is obvious that my blog does not have a specific topic. It does not have a target audience except maybe for those who can relate to what I have experienced throughout my short lifetime. I feel so vulnerable to outside criticism of how my life has unfolded. And yet, this is me! This is who I was/am/will-be. I feel so fortunate that after all of my experiences, I find myself back at the foot of the Creator, hungry for spiritual enlightenment.

I have come to really appreciate my love of writing and how relaxing it is for me. The way I choose to express myself and find the exact word to convey my emotions is a challenge that I am always up for. And above all, this is who I am, and I have decided to remain an open book.