...As I Remember It...

Staying Motivated to Lose....

2012-02-02T02:02:00.000-10:00

A couple of posts ago I reported that I was sick of being large and totally ready to let go of this excess weight FOREVER. Well, I'm super serious. This picture is one of my motivations. I just posted it on Facebook as my profile picture also for the same reasons I'm posting it here -- motivation! This was me at my goal weight. The picture was taken back in 2004 right before the first wedding anniversary. **sigh**

Here I am 7 and a half years from that picture, about 50 pounds heavier, and just realllllly ready to let go of the weight -- fo realz!!!

Some of the observations I make as I look at this picture is that I actually have a neck in it. LOL. My face is well defined. Lipstick--flawless. **big frown face** because AVON discontinued that particular lip gloss. The color was TEDDY BEAR. In fact, I still carry that same lip gloss from that era just hoping that I will run into a matching shade. I've gone to Sephora, Mac Makeup, Bobbi Brown to try and match and have just run out of ideas on where to get it. I should have bought a dozen of that lip gloss. **sigh** I also see a hoop earring peeking out from behind my hair. I have not worn hoop earrings since that era. I've been doing dangly earrings.

I've employed several different approaches to my weight loss journey.

#1 : LOSE IT!
This has got to be my favorite tool. It is the Lose It! website with companion LoseIt! App on Android and Mac. There's a bunch of us using it. It logs exercise and food intake/calories consumed. It tracks your weight, gives you an amount of calories you can take in and tells you what your balance is on. For instance, today, based on what I ate and how much activity I was involved I had 500 calories left on the day. That is amazing to me! I had a super difficult time a couple years ago trying to calculate "points" on Weight Watchers. This app makes it super duper simple. I find myself strategically estimating what I'm going to eat for the next meal or snack. I just love it! It also tracks your weight. I just started this and it's at the tail end of my period so all the bloating and water weight is gone. So since my starting weight of 265, I'm down 6 pounds. I'm so encouraged!

#2 : MEDITATION
Most people are unconvinced that meditation is a useful tool but it is PRICELESS. I use Kelly Howell's guided meditations found on her website BrainSync. Things that I experienced as a child that I thought were long gone emotions are actually preventing me from progressing because I've held onto it for so long. Emotions like fear, helplessness, shame, etc. are explored in depth. It can get pretty intense but the exercises are PRICELESS and very "free-ing". I use several of her meditations. This time I have actually listened to the weight-loss one several times in month.

#3 : PLAIN OLD EXERCISE
I have changed up my exercise regime to include so many different types of calorie-burns. I have acquired BIGGEST LOSER YOGA. A friend of mine has the zumba dvd's, Biggest Loser dvd's, Jillian Michaels Ripped in thirty days. The family has just been mixing it up.

To each his own. I need to stay motivated so that I can increase the quality of life as I age. My father is turning 70 this year. He still looks sooooo YOUNG. Not a wrinkle on his face. His hair just turning gray here and there. He is as healthy as an ox. Anyway -- I want that for me! It starts with taking off this excess weight.

Today's Reminder

2012-01-30T06:16:00.000-10:00

What a lovely message. Thanks to my late night/early morning cruise through pinterest, I found this.

Have a fabulous day everyone!

5 Weekend To-Do's

2012-01-27T12:43:00.000-10:00

To-Do #1: USS MISSOURI is supposed to be free on Saturday, 1/28/2012 for Kama'aina. My father went there on a department retreat for his job and he said it was a really good tour. Normally, entrance with tours costs about $65. It's on my TO-DO list!!

To-Do #2: BEACH, BEACH, BEACH. The weather man is forecasting rain, rain, rain but the past couple of days have been gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Hot and humid days, no trade winds... that spells out BEACH DAY for me.

To-Do #3: Homework. I am busting my butt to complete this Bachelor of Arts degree in Philosophy. My last course begins in February. I'll be done by April. I can hardly believe it!!

To-Do #4: Yard Attention. I need to pay attention to our yard. I've been trying for months to start my herb and vegetable garden. Since the beginning of the year, my popps and I have been juicing. This has prompted me to save a few bucks by raising our own vegetables and herbs for the purpose of consumption.

To-Do #5: I'm getting one monkey off my back. I am going to almost completely eliminate my BEST BUY Credit Card debt. I'm so excited! By Summer, I will be debt free aside from my car and a few student loans. Yayyyy for husband and I.

Have an awesome weekend everybody!!

HB1710 / HB1711

2012-01-26T21:57:00.000-10:00

I think Florida was the first state to require drug testing for welfare recipients.

Hawaii is conducting an informational briefing in regards to the following:

HB1710 - Requires applicants and recipients of Temporary Assistance for Needy Families cash benefits to submit to drug testing when reasonable cause exists indicating illegal drug use. Establishes ineligibility to receive benefits for one year for testing positive or refusing to submit to drug testing

HB1711 - Requires drug testing for temporary assistance for needy families (TANF) applicants. Provides that applicants who test positive for a controlled substance may receive TANF funds upon the successful completion of a 6-month substance abuse program

I think it's a fantastic idea considering the fact that welfare funds are furnished by Mr. & Mrs. TaxPayer. Some people make a lifestyle of relying on the welfare system to live. I surely don't want to support or encourage that type of lifestyle.

Within the 5 minutes it took me to write this, the hearing has been cancelled. Go figure!

Heart.... Breaking... Again.

2012-01-24T23:38:00.002-10:00

I think my heart is breaking....

Talk of moving off the island again.

This time, I don't wanna go.

I don't.

I feel like this island that I love so much is also the curse for my marriage. The first marriage ended in divorce. One of the issues was "demographics"... where we would live. Marriage #2 is going in the same direction.

The crazy thing is, we've done the mainland thing... twice.

I can be alone if that is my destiny.

My heart is breaking.
I feel so all alone.

I just can't move again. I don't have the heart.

I miss my mother. I feel like my heart is on the floor and I'm so sad... wishing she were around to tell me what I'm supposed to do. I already know but I need to hear her say it to me. Tell me to follow my husband. **heavy sigh**

I wish I could start all over again. I wish I were a child. Oh how I would do things differently.

Extreme....ly TIRED of CONSUMERISM

2012-01-22T15:36:00.000-10:00

I just started tuning in to TLC's Extreme Couponing and Extreme Cheapskates. I am completely amazed by how much money people save by using coupons. Extreme Cheapskates shows people who go to "extremes" to save a buck.

Who would have thought that would be inspiring?

It is.

I'm totally inspired to reduce consumption even though I'm such a toy-junkie. I love electronic toys. In my case, that would be my Apple/Mac products, my Nikon D5000 that I'm thinking about selling to upgrade to a Canon camera. The software that goes with the camera and picture editing; the software for my computers. The xbox and Nintendo Wii. I have a lot of toys. Do I really need all those things? I don't think I'm going to be unloading any of my electronics yet but I'm going to stop acquiring them. I don't need an iPhone. I don't need a new iMac. I don't need a new Macbook Pro. I'm dying to have a new camera but I don't need it.

I have a slew of books that I could get rid of. Should I? If there's anything that I drag around with me all the time, it's my books and my journals. **sigh**

I'm just tired of CONSUMING......

* * * * * * * * * *

Photo Credit

Beef Hangover and Other Ramblings

2012-01-21T12:01:00.000-10:00

I ate a hamburger yesterday. Today I'm paying for it! Trust me, this just does not look appetizing to me. Yuck!!

I have found that I have an allergy to beef (as well as gluten). Can you believe that? Beef happens to be one of my favorite things in the whole wide world. I read Eat Right 4 Your Blood Type a couple of years ago. As soon as I read it, I went veggie for a whole year. Well, semi-veggie. Apparently A+ people should follow a plant-based diet but I had to reintroduce chicken and fish after a couple months because I felt so weak.

Since the New Year, I've been juicing regularly. My father has suffered from leg cramps for quite some time and he was interested in juicing as well. Husband is DOWN for whatever I put in front of him. I drink about 16 oz of juice prior to a meal or as a meal replacement. In the mornings I usually have fresh juice (celery, carrots, apples, ginger, peppers), 2 bananas, and at least a cup and a half of raw nuts.

Lunch consists of maybe brown rice and tomato chutney. I love that meal. It is always so satisfying and so delicious. I can put together a really good tomato chutney in about 30 minutes. It is one of my faves.

Dinner is usually a protein and a veggie, if I can help it. Usually I splurge on any cravings during dinner. The other night I made spaghetti. Anybody who knows me knows that I prefer my homemade sauce over any canned prego or ragu or del monte sauce. It takes a good 3 hours to make the sauce. 1 hour of prep time and 2 hours of simmer time. It's better if you simmer longer but who has time? Next time I'll start it in the morning and crock pot it all day. The sauce can be used for lasagna and any other dish requiring a red sauce. So dinner is usually my splurge.

To take care of my beef hangover this morning, I am reduced to taking migraine medication, a cup of stiff, hot coffee, and a healthy 30 minutes of YOGA. If there's anything that I love for fitness, it's yoga. Since I'm such a novice at yoga I'm super grateful for my favorite dvd, Biggest Loser Yoga. Bob makes it simple. (Thanks Bob!!) His instructions and demonstrations are clear and so helpful. As much as I love high intensity things like Insanity, I really prefer the slow and methodical moves of yoga. It's challenging but so relaxing.

I'm feeling better. The pain killers are kicking in due to my combo of meds, coffee, and yoga. I can't say which is the most effective remedy. All I know is I'm feeling better and am recommitting to staying away from that red flesh.

* * * * * * * * * *
Photo Credit
Biggest Loser Photo Credit

PHOTO BLOG: My Home

2012-01-19T06:59:00.000-10:00

Such an interesting tree; the sky was a perfect backdrop as well as the ocean.

I love to see fisherman out and about. It lets me know that the ocean still teems with life.

early evening: such a beautiful time of the day

the color of the grass is so mesmerizing

rocks that are normally underwater are fully exposed... beautiful!

i just love that patch of coconut trees.


walking the reef reminds me of my momz who used to take us out all the time.

Dear Blog

2012-01-15T22:33:00.000-10:00

Dear Blog,

I miss you so much. I hate that I never have the time to sit down and talk about the stuff that goes on in my world.

I promise I will make time for you beginning in April. School will finally be over in April and I will have received my Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy. I can hardly believe that I am finally done with school. It's one of those things that was on my bucket list and since I had access to funds to supplement my schooling due to my Hawaiian ancestry, I figured, "why not"?

I promise to make you over... after April.

I promise to write more and think less.

I wish oh how I wish there weren't student loans attached to the Bachelor of Arts degree but such is life. If I could, I would have probably prolonged the schooling just to delay having to pay the loans back but I am just so sick of school. This has to be the biggest scam in the history of the United States next to the Internal Revenue Service and insurance.

**heavy sigh**

I'm so close to being done that I can actually see light at the end of the tunnel. At the same time, I'm so burnt out.

Arguing about Aristotle and Rousseau, Communism vs. Capitalism... all of it just has me in a complete tizzy.

See you soon.

Sincerely,

NeenaLove

Thinking Ever Thinking

2012-01-07T23:02:00.000-10:00

So much of my time is spent contemplating the world and my existence in it. What is my great contribution to the world and the people around me? I remember someone saying, in an address to young people, that we should attempt to write our own eulogy so as to know how to pattern our lives.

I think of my mother whom I lost in June of 2011. I can only remember all the good things about her. I bless the day she birthed me because in that day she wished God's choicest blessings upon me. I think of her now in heavenly splendor. Perfect. Having truly given all that she could to ensure that I were a benefit to the world.... that I were a bright light in the darkness.

What will be said of me in death?

Am I, figuratively speaking, a light in the darkness of night?

I raise these questions now as I am moving ever closer to the ending of my studies toward my Bachelors of Arts degree in Philosophy. I am in the 400 level courses and find myself contemplating what I have learned in terms of philosophy. Probably what I love most is that I have studied all types of thought processes. Each discussion seeks to answer one supreme question: WHO.AM.I?

WHO ARE YOU?

i am

i am a

i am a wife

a daughter
a sister
an aunt
a cousin
a good friend

i am you.
i am me.
i am the universe.

* * * * * * * * * *

Photo Credit

2012=HEALTH for Me

2012-01-02T11:30:00.002-10:00

There's a funny thing that happens at the end of the year.... we feel the need to change and to make those resolutions. I like to think that I do it on a weekly basis. I am pretty good about decluttering. I do it often enough to be a regular on the donations pick-up route by the Kidney Foundation and the Boys & Girls Club.

I am dedicating 2012 to rethinking and redoing my approach to health. I know a lot about health. I need to be about it and improve the quality of my life now and in the future. I am letting this Jennifer Hudson/Weight Watchers ad be my inspiration!

Another inspiration for 2012 is this blog:
A Black Girl's Guide to Weight Loss

Keep me accountable.
Today, I start this journey at a whopping 265 pounds. I'm so comfortable in my own skin that, at first, weight loss wasn't for cosmetic reasons. It was for health. Since I seen the Jennifer Hudson commercial above... I'm inspired to look better and be healthier.

Photographers: 50mm GIVEAWAY...

2011-12-26T22:56:00.001-10:00

Cookie Corner Answer: Inmate Love

2011-12-22T00:27:00.000-10:00

Prison is not exactly the place I'd like to go searching for a mate. I know every situation is different. I know of women, family members, who have or had relationships with inmates. I have never thought of breaching anyone's privacy by actually asking the people that I know why they have relationships with men behind bars. Even though I'm super nosey and extremely inquisitive about things that I don't understand, I just haven't found a good enough reason to ask.

Looking at why people even want to be in relationships is where my opinion stems from. Why do people search for mates?

I remember when my ex and I got separated, I agreed to it under the premise that he was returning home to help his mother out and that he'd be back to be my husband. Throughout our separation, I longed so much for companionship. I longed for his physical presence and for attention that I felt I deserved.

So this brings me to my question about relationships with inmates. The inmate has to sell a really intense story to the civilian for him or her to even be interested in trying it. There has to be some hot romance coming through via letters. Though I have to admit, the letters are probably hot and steamy as well as laden with heavy romance, letters DO NOT make a relationship and I'm a letter person.

My ex and I exchanged letters for a couple years before we finally married. Then when we separated, once again, I assaulted him with all kinds of letters and cards. (Secret: I still have all the letters. I've been meaning to take it to work and run it through my huge shredder... but I think there might be a book in those cards and envelopes.) I swooned over the letters he wrote me before we married. The words on a page always made me feel good about the distance and the time that separated us. It made me believe in something that didn't really exist except as it did in my mind.

Is it impossible to have a long and lasting and joyful marriage between an inmate and civilian? No. Nothing is impossible.

Is it likely that the marriage or relationship will last? **shrugs**

What I do know is that long distance relationships, no matter the reason, do not work all that well. I think of all the time I wasted waiting for my ex to come to his senses. When he finally did, it meant divorce, and I'm okay with that except that I wasted the prime years of my life waiting for HIM.

* * * * * * * * * *

Cookie Corner Question

2011-12-20T15:52:00.002-10:00

What makes a woman want a man that's in prison?
Things that make me go HMMMM.....???

My opinion later.

Regulating Discrimanators

2011-12-19T13:24:00.000-10:00

Lesbian couple files discrimination lawsuit against Hawaii business

This article appeared in my news feed on my Facebook page. I'm not a CNN or FOXnews person. However, I subscribe to the local news because I find some of it interesting. I don't normally watch the news.

The linked article above states that a lesbian couple is suing the owner of a Bed&Breakfast here on the island. The owner refused service to the lesbian couple. I know this type of discrimination reminds people of the tumultuous Jim Crow era in the United States just a few decades ago. There are obvious differences!

I am somewhat sympathetic to the homosexual movement. If they want legal rights under man made laws, I think they should have it. In this case, I don't know what the lesbian couple is attempting to do. What is the outcome they are seeking? This is what I hear from their lawsuit (excuse the sarcasm):

LESB: "Let me in your establishment."
OWNER: "No. You're gay. I don't want you here."

Angry lesbian contacts her attorney.
LESB: "That place won't let me in. I want them to let me in. NOW!"
ATTORNEY: "Ok. I can help you."

Lesbian contacts the media, under the direction of the attorney.
LESB: "We're suing XYZ Bed&Breakfast because they won't let me in."
NEWS: "Oooh... news for Hawai'i residents. Thanks for the heads up. We'll watch what happens in court."

What are the legal precedences that have been set around the country for similar cases?
**shrugs**

Can the owner include in his or her contract or lease or check-in document that they refuse service to Gays and Lesbians?

If I recall, there are signs at several establishments that read:
"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

Looking at my sarcastic dialog above, if we replaced LESB with DRUNKGUY or PERSON.TRAVELING.WITH.PETS, would this be a lawsuit?

If a non-Mormon were at the footsteps of the Mormon Temple and were refused entry, should the non-Mormon sue for entry?

Country Clubs are "exclusive" groups, should I sue?

I don't understand why the law would impose itself upon a private establishment. If I were a business and refused service to someone based on my personal preferences, why is that NOT okay? Should someone disregard their personal values and adopt the social norms?

At what point can a person or establishment have an opinion without fear of government interference?

Just thinking out loud.

Life Lessons Remembered

2011-12-08T02:26:00.006-10:00

Random Facebook quote that I LOVE:

When people walk away from you...

Let them go...

Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn't mean they are bad people.

It just means that their part in your story is over.

I often think of my ex-husband when I see quotes like this. I know it sounds funny but I knew he was only going to be in my life for a short season. Most of our relationship was spent apart even before we were married. There's that little voice in your mind that whispers truth. In that whisper I have known/knew what the fate of our relationship would be. Today and even then, I was okay with it.

I have to admit that I learned so much from him about myself. The two biggest lessons....

1. What I had to learn quick is that his opinion of me (he walked away) should not determine my own opinion of self. After he left... all I could say was WOW to the new me. I think I dropped like 60 pounds in a matter of months. I regained half of it back but it was fun while it lasted.

2. I can do hard things. That was a big lesson! Divorce is difficult especially when all you want to do is LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. CRAZY LOVE. I got through it. Yeah, I can do hard stuff!

So even though he left me high and dry and divorced me, (See the story here and here and all throughout this blog. The topic is absolutely redundant.) my life has moved on in an awesome direction. Even though I tear up when I read my posts about the divorce and remember the heart ache in each and every goodbye, I also remember that I made it through. Our story together is complete however the lessons learned linger on.

I'm not sure if he ever thinks of me. I have no ill feelings toward him. In a way, I still have love for him; the way a student has love for a special teacher. I am grateful for his presence in my existence. The divorce pushed me beyond what I thought possible.

In gratitude, I bow to the lessons I have learned.

Never to be again....

LABELS

2011-12-07T08:16:00.003-10:00

I remember hearing a podcast of Oprah interviewing Wayne Dyer. For those who are not aware of who Wayne Dyer is, I encourage you to look into reading one of his books. He has several dozen out. Maybe even YouTube him or start with the free podcast of the interview I referenced above.

In the interview, Wayne explains how he followed the wisdom of the Tao for an entire year. I thought it was very engaging. SIDE NOTE: my most favorite book that he wrote is The Power of Intention. It was wayyy deep to where I had to digest the book, one chapter at a time. Like, a chapter per week.

For the purposes of this post, I focus in on something Wayne Dyer said is the first principle in the Tao. In attempting to explain God, the Tao says that once it is labelled or given a name, it ceases to be God. Over time, that simple thought has shown up in my life many times.

Does humanity need to label everything?

Once we label ourselves, we tend to take on that persona.
"I'm gay."
"I'm heterosexual."
"I'm Jewish."
"I'm Muslim."
"I'm Mormon."
"I'm Black."
"I'm Polynesian."
"I'm Chinese."
"I'm Atheist."
"I'm Republican."
"I'm a stay-at-home Mom."
"I'm homeless."
"I'm unemployed."
...and on and on we label ourselves.

Along with the labels come the pre-conceived and pre-determined roles that society has developed through the mainstream media.

Authentically, stereotypes are not who we are. We are not LABELS. We are a part of the consciousness in the universe or as I prefer to say, we are a part of God.

I am not the labels that may have been placed on me by an observer.
I am not a sinner nor am I saint.
I am not obese nor am I too thin.
I am not a victim nor am I a bully.
I am not diseased.
I am not mean.
I am not angry.
I am not possessive.
I am not hurt.
I am not evil.
I am not a label.

I AM that I AM.

The Need to De Stress

2011-11-29T15:23:00.002-10:00

I told myself that I would blog at least three times a week this year. I have failed miserably in this area.

Writing is something I love to do. My diary has also suffered from my lack of desire to sit down and right. One of the ways I destress has always been writing. Now, in one of the most difficult times of my life, I have yet to sit down and sort it all out. In my 20's and part of my 30's, I used alcohol and cigarettes to ease my pains. It was definitely a way for me to relax and slow down and get my mind off the world. That is probably one of the biggest reasons why I think of my former life so often.

When my ex-husband and I finally parted ways after being separated for 2 years, my normal routine was to drink as soon as I got off work. And I didn't just have a beer or a cocktail, a meal, and call it a day. NOPE. A dear friend and I would turn the cocktail and meal into a party even if it ended up just being us at the house. We would drink, drown in our sorrows a little then call some guy friends that we had met over the weekend. LUSH. Plain and simple, we were LUSH.

I often think about the rush I got from the alcohol. The feel-good, feel-invincible, feel-unbreakable, feel-alive feeling -- I miss that. Though I could never and will never characterize myself as being depressed, if I ever did feel depressed, I imagine that it would feel like how I've been feeling lately.

I miss my moms, no doubt. But it's not just the missing her that leaves me in a funk. It's also the aftermath of her leaving. The aftermath consists of the following:
1. My father, the lonely widower.
2. My two young brothers - one just turned 18, the other just turned 14.
3. My duties as a diligent and dutiful daughter has left much to be desired by my husband.
4. Having to take over the duties of paying the bills for the household;

I'm kind of burnt out and I have no outlet anymore. I don't feel sorry for myself but I do feel a little STUCK.

I have my own dreams and desires to do big things. Big, for me, at least. There are things that I'd like to do that are just for me. Thus, I think of the alcohol and the backyard barbecues and the sweet release that comes from destressing.

What to do? What to do?

Thoughts of Her

2011-11-26T20:29:00.001-10:00

The thought of my mother pops into my head on many occasions. It will be in random moments when her memory is least expected.

In a sea of Red at a Kahuku High School football game

While playing sudoku on my phone

Looking at a Facebook picture that I uploaded several weeks ago that my father commented on saying, "No one mourns her loss more than me."

Looking at an unkempt yard

Looking at an immaculate kitchen or a spotless living room

I miss her.

I miss her everyday and it seems like I miss her more as time passes.

Things that she's taught me seems to make complete sense now. While she was here, I seemed to fight against her wisdom and logic.

She lives on in me in a way that I thought I would never appreciate. All her countless hours of tireless, patient teaching has affected me so profoundly.

These past few days, I've been fighting a cold. When I was at my worse, I instantly thought of the many times my mother bathed and nurtured me as a child. No doubt, I took her for granted while she was here on the earth. For that, I regret every moment I spent fighting against her wisdom.

And yet, it is in our disagreements that I have come to continually discover "ME".

My mother is one of my greatest teachers and I look forward to reuniting with her.... I know when I do see her again, it will be like no time at all had passed.

Please grant me the endurance to get through this lifetime relatively quickly and full of lasting memories as I journey toward my next lifetime... ever searching to meet with HER again.

Closed In

2011-11-11T00:18:00.000-10:00

Sometimes I feel so trapped.

I wonder if other people in the world feel like that.

I truly long for a life without restraint. Does that make sense?

The structure of trying to be the way society wants us to be makes me a little numb. Attempting to fit into someone's view of how my life should be makes me feel...
well...
it makes me feel...
CLAUSTROPHOBIC
and
I
want
out.

No. It's not my marriage that makes me feel so confined. My husband truly is my best friend. It's other things... things that will not make one bit of difference at the end of my life.

So why do I continue to follow it?

**heavy sigh**

Marriage?

2011-11-09T00:46:00.000-10:00

Has marriage become obsolete?

I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine. We were discussing the nuptials of a couple who knew each other a few weeks before they decided to "take the plunge". Dear friend had the opinion that the couple just wanted to have sex and that is the reason they decided to marry. Due to personal commitment and religious belief, the couple had not consummated until after the marriage vows were taken. Dear friend thinks that marrying for sex is all wrong.

What is the purpose of marriage?

What are the reasons that leads a person/persons to marriage?

Is sex a good enough reason to marry? Why or why not?

What is a good reason to marry?

I think that any two people can have a successful marriage without having known each other very long. Two people must have the same commitment level, the same goals in terms of living a good life, and most of all the couple must be willing to make the marriage/relationship work. Love is not necessarily a component, in my opinion, in building a successful marriage. In fact, the love tends to come after many years.

Husband and I are creeping up on 8 years on Monday the 14th. I can honestly say that we are finally rounding the corner to where we step into semi-bliss. I only say "semi" because there's bound to be a couple of bumps in the road in our future. However, we have formed a cohesive bond that allows us to operate as a single entity yet maintain separate identities. We have grown together through these 8 years and I feel so blessed to have a strong and intelligent man to travel this life with. We are two peas in a pod.

The emotion that we think is love in the beginning stages of a relationship is more than likely just infatuation. We are enamored with the idea of being in love and of spending forever with our love interest. It prompts us to make commitments that we normally wouldn't under different circumstances. I've told the story at least a dozen times on this blog about how my husband and I met and married 7 months later. As I look back, I can't believe that we even waited that long.

I notice the current trend with adults is to discard marriage altogether. Has marriage lost its appeal? I have an aunt who is adamant about never marrying again. She's been single for a relatively long time. She doesn't like having to answer to someone or ask permission of someone; not that marriage requires it but it makes the relationship work better. I can see her point and should my husband and I not work or he pass before me, I probably will not ever marry again. I too would rather not have to "answer to" anyone.

So has the current young adult/ adult population outgrown the "institution" of marriage?

Why are gay people in such a hurry for something that hetero's are disregarding altogether?

If marriage is a spiritual and emotional commitment to another, why does one need the STATE to recognize it?

Dear friend of mine that started this whole conversation is still single. I'm curious as to why she's not in a hurry to marry. Many young people are not even flirting with the idea. I think I was looking to marry as soon as I left high school. I was searching for LOVE and someone to love me enough to marry me and commit his life to me. I just don't see that in young people today. No one is in a rush.

What is truly the status of marriage in modern America?

PHOTO SHOOT: Mr. & Mrs. Nickodemus

2011-11-07T23:08:00.000-10:00

My cousin finally got married to the father of her children. I'm happy for her and glad that she made this decision all on her own without pressure from anyone. Do you! That's all anyone can do, really.

Husband and I are creeping up on 8 years in another week. 8 years -- unbelievable! Through the ups and the downs, I'm glad we're in it for the long haul. Anyway, this post is not about me. LOL... congrats to the new Mr. and Mrs. Good luck and May Peace and Love govern the rest of your lives together. :-)

BTW: I'm always for hire for your special event. You name the price. I'll even go for bartering.

PHOTO SHOOT: Mr. & Mrs. Elison

2011-10-25T14:47:00.000-10:00

An old friend came into town. She brought her sister to renew her marriage vows with her husband. It was a cute 15-20 minute ceremony on our wonderful HUKILAU BEACH. I feel like my editing skills are getting better and maybe even my creative eye. Good luck to the lovely couple and their baby girl. Fun!

Missing Her So Much

2011-10-16T22:48:00.001-10:00

I miss my momz...

...but I just realized how hard this must be for my father. As I try to sort out my own feelings, I haven't been able to see past my own nose. Today, I sat with my father and tried to express to him how hard it has been for me to process the loss of my mother combined with the distraction of two cousins that never left since their arrival prior to my mother's funeral.

He said one sentence that just broke my heart: "I wish I could be wherever she is."

I wish I could be with her too....

I can't wait to see her again.

I can't believe how hard this has been.

Make the World Go Away

2011-10-04T00:08:00.000-10:00

So much is going on in my home. It's driving me insane. I cannot stand one more minute.

My mother passed on June 30th. We held off with the funeral until everyone was here for our family reunion at the end of July. My mother's eldest brother left two of his children when he left after the funeral. I am absolutely FRAZZLED by their presence in my home and their inability to fit into our household paradigm.

I haven't even had a chance to mourn the loss of my mother and I'm stuck with two strangers in my home. (Even though they are my 1st cousins, I only met them once before.) It adds to my sense of loss because normally my mother would deal with her family. I can't even begin to explain the crazy things that have happened since these strangers came to our home.

I am ready to EXPLODE.
I wish they would just GO HOME.

They are grown adults (over 21) and I have to tell them to clean up around the house, to take a shower, clean the bathroom, wash the dishes. What did their parents teach them? They are just THORNS in my side.

I miss my mom... wish I could just "be" in my house without the extra baggage around.

I Miss You Mom

2011-09-30T01:08:00.000-10:00

I'm really missing my mom right now. She has been on my mind all day. I wish she were here because she always knows just the right thing to say or do.

We didn't have enough time.

I miss her so much!

Favorite Memory Pictured

2011-09-20T08:49:00.004-10:00

I seem to blossom when I fall in love. I was 28-years old when I graffiti'd this. My favorite memory is falling in love with my husband. In a couple months we will make 8 years of marriage. Isn't that crazy?

Here we are, less than a month into marriage. Husband was getting ready to deploy to IRAQ and one night at the bar sounded like a good time. We did have a blast. It was cold and when we exited the club it was snowing everywhere! It was kind of magical.

This picture was of us... a month or two after we met. Both of us having just met up after a night on the town. He was with his fellas and I was with my BFF. Falling in love was and is so very magical.

MY NIGHT...

2011-09-19T23:11:00.000-10:00

This is my second year volunteering for The Haunted Lagoon. I had to get a shot of the clowns that were walking around the lagoon, waiting for darkness to fall. So that fairly represents what I did with my evening. Last year I was in the clown section as a Tech person controlling the sound and the strobe lights. It was fun. This year, I'm a little more involved.... kinda.

I'm "involved" but I don't feel as involved as I'd like to be. The area I'm in is just.... BORING at this point. Tonight was the first dress rehearsal in preparation for the September 30th debut. We have a long ways to go before 9/30. I'm not at all impressed with what we have so far. If I were truly in charge, it would be totally different. So I'm in the zombies and mummies section. Right now, everything is so random. No scares... just a collection of things to "look" at... kinda like a museum. BORING! I want to be part of the solution so I sent an email out to the person in charge. She's probably totally irritated with my eval but it had to be said. If I'm going to claim that I am a part of this then I need to tell the truth about what I feel. The truth is.... I MISS YOU CLOWNS!!! ahahahahaha

Cast of My Favorite Show

2011-09-13T10:48:00.002-10:00

Photo Credit

Day 3 picture challenge is to POST the cast of my favorite television show. Project Runway is it. Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum are the picture of class and sass. The reality shows have taken the television world by storm. Most often I find that I prefer the reality stuff -- HGTV, Food Network, America's Next Top Model, PROJECT RUNWAY. :-)

The situation-comedies and the dramatic lifetimeTV genre is old and tired! Although a close second to Project Runway is Drop Dead Diva. I think both shows appear on LifetimeTV. Anyway -- thanks to DVR I don't have a problem missing my shows.

Photo Credit

Closeness

2011-09-12T10:46:00.000-10:00

Day 02 - A picture of the person you have been closest with the longest

So here's my second photo. My dear cousin is like... like... we are like peas in a pod. I consider many of my friends and family very close including my husband. But this girl seems to be the constant. She was in the wedding line of my first wedding... was there when I got divorced. Was my roommate when I met my husband. Now, we're contemplating business together. My sister moved away to Washington with her birth family. Mahea's sisters moved away and they could probably rival the "closeness" but... THEY ALL MOVED AWAY! I wish they would all come back. LOL

Pic + 10 Facts

2011-09-10T10:21:00.000-10:00

I think this is one of the more recent pictures of me with my dear husband. This year makes 8 years of wedded bliss. Well... I don't know if it has been all blissful but our passion in our fights exist also in our love.

For this challenge, I am supposed to post a picture with 10 facts about myself. I am having the toughest time thinking up 10 interesting things about me. I mean, my life is strewn across this blog like a wide open book. I don't mind that everyone knows so much about me but it just makes me less of a mystery.

1. I am quite impatient. I've been that way since I was a child. It's weird how I've just noticed that about myself. With all the family that has been in and out of our house over the last couple of months, that feeling of impatience has really come forward. My sister was here and it was so refreshing to have her come and know exactly what needs to be done without me needing to tell her. My impatience with the rest of my family... **sigh**...was and is unnerving.

2. I feel like my creativity has been dormant for so long. That is my newest realization of self -- that I have let my creativity go to sleep. I look forward to dreaming big again and putting my creativity to full use. It's okay to believe that all things are possible.

3. I am thoroughly in love with my nieces and nephews. I can't even imagine what life would be like if I had my own children. In a conversation with my aunt a couple weeks ago, I told her that the biggest risk for me having children is that I know they would break my heart. In terms of children, my aunt and I identified that the "risk" of bearing children is not greater than the joy of becoming a parent.... and I'm ready. But I'll also be okay if I never do bear children. Either way -- I'm ready. :-)

4. I have a growing affinity for tea and coffee. It's true! My father tells me that his grandparents drank coffee often. I think that "memory" has been passed down through genetics because my father loves it too and I just recently found out that my niece likes it too. Go figure. Due to religious upbringing, coffee is frowned upon. For whatever reasons they are, I can't call it. I love the taste. I love to sip on a hot drink usually all day long and hot water just doesn't do it for me. Tea -- I have several different varieties. If I'm relying on my "genetic memory" theory then I suppose I can credit my Chinese ancestors for this. In many Asian cultures, tea and the service of tea is an art form. I love the different flavors that come from different teas and herbs, both sweet and savory.

5. I love the sunshine AND the rain! Septembers in Hawai'i are absolutely gorgeous. Blue, blue, blue skies and white puffy clouds, turquoise oceans and white sand beaches. Even with all of this beautiful weather, I still love the rain. I love how green everything is after the rain. The air is clean and crisp and everything springs into life. Water, any kind of water is just so cleansing. My life is similar to this because I appreciate the good times and the bad times... all are lessons.

6. I sometimes think I may have Attention Deficit Disorder... lol. Often times, especially when I'm sitting in a lecture, I need something else to do besides listen to the lecture. If there's wifi available, I fire up my laptop and get busy blogging (this is what I'm doing right now) or working on something. No wifi? I break out my journal and start writing or my sketchbook and start sketching. Journal not available? Text! I am this way even if I'm sitting in a church service. I find that I learn so much more when my hands are engaged. In a class I took I found out that this is quite normal and many learners fall under this category.

7. Just a few years ago, I hated the color pink. Now it has become my FAVORITE color. I don't like the pastel pink. I like HOT PINK, FUSCHIA, MAGENTA... the hot stuff! I have several blouses and dresses and jackets that are pink, pink, pink.

8. I just recently discovered a youtube converter that converts videos into an mp3. I absolutely love it. Some of my favorite songs that can't be found on itunes or amazon can be found on youtube. So grateful for the brainiacs on the planet who think up this stuff.

9. I used to read a novel every week or two. That has dropped off significantly but since the closing of Borders Books, I was able to pick up some novels at a bargain price. Sometimes mindless fiction is such a stress reliever!

10. Something else that I have discovered about myself is that I have an oral fixation. I think that is what made smoking such a normal part of my day. I kicked tobacco about 5-1/2 years ago. I will never go back! I have replaced smoking with gum and sometimes sunflower seeds. I also like to munch during lectures (see #6).

Lack of Creativity

2011-09-01T10:03:00.000-10:00

Since I am lacking in the creativity department these days... mostly due to my mother's passing, I thought I'd find something to try and get me blogging again. This photo challenge seems appropriate. **heavy sigh**So here it is... hopefully I can get through September. Should be interesting... At least it will get me behind the camera lens again and blogging as well.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Lifted

2011-08-08T22:40:00.000-10:00

I feel like a weight has been lifted.

Today I had a session with a Theta Healer. My aunt has been trained in energy healing and I always look forward to seeing her to feel of her good vibes. She always seems to "adjust" me in just the right way to bring me back to life. It's like she lifts all my burdens and raises my hope level. I am so glad that she spent that time with me today. I am so blessed!

Our family just laid my mother to rest on July 29th, 2011. It was such a beautiful send off. I am so happy that it was relatively drama-free and that all 8 of my mother's 9 siblings that are still alive were able to meet in the same place in peace and harmony. All the events surrounding my mother's send-off were so beautiful, spiritual, and truly a manifestation that she is alive somewhere beyond this dimension. For that, I am so grateful. I'm grateful that I will meet with her again someday in the eternities. I feel peace.

As I begin to purge my negative energy I am replacing it with all the goodness my mother was able to put into the world through her actions. I choose happiness and joy for this life and for all the people I love... unconditionally!

Unfolding My Feelings

2011-07-18T14:02:00.000-10:00

Everything feels so unreal lately. My mother's passing has made things different. I've been trying to get used to a new reality and so has my father and my brothers, my husband and everyone around us. Life hasn't been overly depressing. I'm grateful that everyone around me is coping so well. This makes the process of grieving and mourning one of celebration rather than sadness. I know that is what my mother would want.

My mother has had so many complications with her health and wellness. Her death allows her to move beyond this life and dimension and it's a good thing for her. She is free from the body that kept her so trapped.

Niece #3 is coping well. She's all of 4 years old and is just the most precious 4-year old on the planet. Sis-in-law told her that "mama" went to heaven.

NIECE #3: She went to heaven already? But I didn't get to say bye.

As soon as she said that, she started singing some random song while my brother and sis-in-law were fighting back bittersweet tears. Bitter because mom is gone to heaven but sweet because NIECE #3 put it in the right context. What we're really grieving is that there was no goodbye and we will miss her presence in our life.

My Bishop, in his visits with our family, said, "Your mom is not gone. She is here, in you."

When people used to say that I am just liker her I thought it was such a terrible thing. I did not want to be like my mom. She was too forward, too honest, too controlling. At the same time though, she had the biggest heart. She took in everyone's children. She helped anyone that needed help. She volunteered to help with anything and everything even with her failing health. She was the definition of charity. As I review my life with my mother, I am so grateful to have had her in my life and to even be compared to her in some small way. And all the things that I did not like about her are actually the qualities I appreciate the most in other people. Isn't that funny? I prefer brute honesty over fake-ness and my mother was always good for a dose of straight-up HONESTY. :-D Makes me smile just thinking of all the many times she's checked me and anybody else that needed to be checked!

The coming months may find me blogging often about her as a way of unfolding my feelings. It makes me feel closer to her.

Do I Have To Be Sad?

2011-07-17T09:08:00.000-10:00

A couple days ago my sis-in-law was trying to see how her oldest daughter was coping with my mother's passing. Sis-in-law was curious because there weren't any bouts of sadness or sobbing. My nieces and nephews call her "mama".

This is their conversation....

Sis-in-law: Are you okay? Is there anything you want to talk about?

Niece 1: I'm okay (shrugs)

Sis-in-law: Are you sure? How do you feel about mama's passing?

Niece 1: Well, do I have to be sad?

Sis-in-law: No. You don't have to be sad. You feel however you want to feel.

Niece 1: I'm going to miss her but I'm not sad because I know she's okay. And... I know I'm going to see her again.

And just like that, the conversation is over and there is no question that my 12-year old niece understands what is going on. I will follow her example and trust in the sure knowledge that I will see my mother again. I choose happiness and celebration!

Slowing Down

2011-07-14T07:53:00.003-10:00

It was such a gorgeous morning. I cannot be anything but grateful for the abundance of life in the universe.

My mother passed on June 30th.

In the time that has followed her passing, I have "slowed down" quite a bit. Not a depressed kind of slow down but more of a slow down realization of what is truly important in my life.

Today, I placed myself in nature. As I sat on the beach at Pounders listening to the ocean crash against the shore and the wind whipping past me, I remembered how small I am in relation to the wide universe. Feelings of gratitude came over me. Gratitude for the life of my mother and everything she was able to instill in me. Gratitude for a full life, for my health and strength, for my husband and wonderful family. I am so grateful for this beautiful earth.

After I left the shore, I made my way to the Ma'akua trail behind where I live. The different birds singing and chirping is such a beautiful sound. That I'm here, able to take in the Creator's bounty with all six senses, is humbling.

Thank you for today, for right here and now.

They Met on Blackplanet

2011-06-15T19:36:00.007-10:00

Former mistress of attempted murder suspect testifies

Oh my goodness... they met on Blackplanet. A couple of years ago this guy meets a woman on Blackplanet. Guy is married. Woman doesn't know at first but eventually finds out about his true marital status. Guy's wife ends up beaten in her bed and dies a year and a half later without any recollection of the events. So the guy is on trial for attempted murder. His former mistress shows up to testify in the case.

This kind of story doesn't usually interest me except that.... well... THEY MET ON BLACKPLANET. Before I started a blog, I was a regular on Blackplanet. It was my way of blogging. I'd change up my page daily to reflect my thoughts. I was in an unfulfilled marriage (the first one), separated from the 1st husband, and totally desperate to be relevant.... at least relevant to HIM. So I expressed myself on my BlackPlanet page with the username NEENALOVE. That is still my "call name" now (come find me on Words With Friends).

I was a regular in many of the chatrooms and made tons of friends from across the United States both male and female. I also had a few flings... wanna read about one of 'em CLICK HERE!! I have met some downright dirty men from Blackplanet and a few precious gems.

One horror story: dude wants to take me to lunch. We have never met except for our passing notes back and forth on the net and the eventual exchange of our phone numbers. When we finally do meet up he looks NOTHING like his photo. Serious! I was super disappointed. On top of that he was really touchy-feely. A few conversations on the phone did not give him the right to be so touchy-feely! Eeeeew. On top of that, he was not as attractive as his photo was. **sigh** We ended up at Ward Center where I opted for McDonalds. I just couldn't do an entire hour with him. We never spoke again except for a few notes on Blackplanet. The horror story part happens when he shows up at a barbecue with one of my best friends. What are the odds? In any case, he pretended like he didn't know me which upset her to no ends because she felt like he was trying to hide something. That was that.

Blackplanet was like MySpace. You could fix up your page using simple html. Embed photos and videos and all kinds of fun stuff. I shut down my page when husband and I married. No matter how much I try to say that I treated BP like a blog, it was nothing more than a site to pick-up guys for me so it had to go once I committed to my husband.

Anyway -- the news story about the attempted murder brought back so many memories. It seems like a lifetime ago. I just remember the excitement of meeting new people. The romance! The wining and dining.

Fleeting...

2011-06-01T12:25:00.002-10:00

I don't know where all the time went.

I sent my little brother off to the mainland today. He's just going for a short visit but I am amazed that he's 17-years old, will be 18 in September.

Where did all the time go?

I have such a soft spot in my heart for him. I acknowledge that I spoil him rotten. Ugghhh.... and he knows it too. He is on the precipice of man hood.

Where did all the time go?

I used to love taking him with me wherever I went. When Disney's "The Lion King" came out in theatres, I took him to see it when he couldn't have been more than 2-years old.

Where did all the time go?

I wish him well on life's journey. I pray that he makes good choices... that he does good things and puts goodness into the world. I pray that his trials in this life will be small... but significant enough to push the boundaries of his mind. I wish for him all the abundance and goodness in the universe... that it may rest upon him softly and that he will accept it, wholeheartedly.

He is obviously NOT a smiler. LOL

Remember Liberty?

2011-05-27T23:47:00.001-10:00

Sad state of affairs...

There should never be a time when we are afraid of our government or the officers who are paid to enforce it.

When did the average citizen become the enemy?

Submitting to the Light

2011-05-26T09:32:00.003-10:00

This semester, I am taking PHIL 410. This course is part of my academic plan since I am a Philosophy major. The topic of the course is God and World. The text is really good. It's by Karen Armstrong entitled A History of God: The 4,000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam. This week is mid-terms. What I really enjoy about classes online is that there aren't any "exams". Instead of an examination - midterm or final - most online professors prefer a term paper. This is totally fine with me. I love that I get to write about topics that I actually enjoy. I don't really care for this particular professor. He comes off as a guy that wants to be right all the time rather than someone attempting to nurture the thought process. He is very condescending toward most of the students. It's irritating but totally off subject.

He dropped the term paper topic list today. I love every single topic on his list. How can I choose just one? Here are the topics:

-Jewish Groups at the time of Jesus and the Concept of the Messiah
-Jesus in Historical Context
-Gnostic Gospels
-Deism
-Contemporary Commentary on the Koran from a Feminist Perspective
-Christian Mysticism
-Concept of Sin
-Major Figures (select one from this list: http://www.theology.ie/theologs.htm)

What I love about Philosophy is how much I explore into the mindset of thinkers throughout the history of the modern WESTERN world and the advent of religion and the social structures that either support it or discard it. I have had several epiphanies over the course of my studies. I am nearly done and will graduate with a Bachelors of Arts Degree in Philosophy within the year. I don't really consider this an accomplishment because I have never liked the idea of college. Taking college courses and pursuing this degree was more a matter of accessing the funds that are made available to native Hawaiians through Kamehameha Schools.

I appreciate that many of the subjects I have explored throughout my studies have been topics that were outside of my experience. However, I don't think that a college degree is an indicator of how well a person can think. I say this because I have encountered many people (I work at a private university) who have difficulty utilizing their critical thinking skills. My social interactions with my family, friends, in my community, and even online have been colored with shallow/narrow conceptions of various topics. In an abundant universe with an infinite number of possibilities, I find it increasingly difficult to remain so fixed in my position on the topic of ~~religion and philosophy~~, any topic. I am but a small speck in the large universe with very little understanding of infinity. I conclude that I couldn't possibly know everything. I cannot make declarations that will be fixed for eternity because, well, in a second that declaration could be overturned by new information.

I submit to the eternal search for light, love, knowledge, and truth. I do not search for these things to gain leverage over another. Rather, I search for these qualities only to understand, to feel compassion, to express kindness for all living entities in the universe. I want to share my light. I want my light to burn brighter.

Can you dig it?

BTW: the topic I selected is Christian Mysticism.

Little Treats: El Rancho Flaxseed Tortilla Chips

2011-05-24T16:52:00.000-10:00

Oh the joy that comes from LITTLE TREATS. This is my new favorite healthy chip alternative. I found it at Tamura's. If you're counting calories -- this might not be the chip for you because 8 chips=139 calories. The upside is that 8 chips=500mg of Omega-3's. The taste and crunch of the chip is perfect! Happy eating!

Netflix Viewing: Greek

2011-05-23T12:16:00.000-10:00

Over the weekend I had plans to watch the new Pirates of the Caribbean. I had to rethink that because I didn't really want to be packed into a theater on opening night when I could watch it during a matinee and have the theater almost all to myself. So this past weekend I opted for Netflix Viewing. I took in 9 episodes of the show GREEK.

It is based on the Greek system in colleges and universities across America. I never quite understood the Greek phenomena aside from the magic of a step-show. My ex-husband was part of a fraternity, Omega Psi Phi, and he was branded on his arm. It looked painful but I suppose it was something important to him for him to allow someone to brand him. I mean no disrespect when I critique his choice. It is what it is.

I thought it interesting that at our (me and the ex) wedding reception a guy recognized the actions and behavior of my then-husband as Que-doggish. He was a guest of a friend of mine. I had not met him previously so did not know that he too was a Que-dogg. They had a conversation that seemed to include all the "signals" of their organization. I don't know what the draw is for Greek organizations. My bloodlines, at least in the last 200 years or so as far as I know, do not lead back to Greece. So, what makes one desire to "pledge" to the fraternity/ sorority?

The television show Greek is a one-hour teenage drama. It seems to promote drinking and promiscuity while trying to maintain academic excellence (not). Odd, considering that the show airs on ABC Family. Is that what is considered family values now? The world is so confused as to what, exactly, constitutes family values. No one can agree. No philosophy is all-encompassing of the different types of social behaviors that are in the world. **sigh**

As I watch the show, I'm intrigued by the characters. They all appear to be versions of people that I know in real-life. Does art imitate life or vice-versa? What is good entertainment nowadays? There's tons of kissing and allusions to sex. Is this indicative of the normal college experience? Husband is not interested at all in the show. He was irritated that the only black male on the show happens to be the gay one. Is this a true sampling of society at large? **shrugs** What I do know is that I am probably going to finish off the series because I'm 9-episodes into all the characters.

Governor tackles questions from students

2011-05-19T04:47:00.010-10:00

Short Summary:
Governor tackles questions from students

Audio Summary:
Governor Abercrombie Unveils 90-day Homeless Action Plan

According to this article (click the link above), Governor Abercrombie suggests that social groups STOP feeding the homeless in the park. He calls feeding the homeless as "aiding and abetting" the homeless to remain in their current state. His reasoning, according to the article, is lacking in substance. May 17th, 2011 Abercrombie unveiled a 90-day action plan to eliminate the homeless from the streets. "Relentless," he calls it. Sounds void of compassion to me.

Abercrombie is creating a State Inter Agency Council on Homelessness to be implemented by Executive Order. More government! It makes my stomach turn. In a failing national economy, why are we increasing state-sponsored programs?

I am not happy with what this governor is doing. He was just elected in November 2010 and has already agreed to ~~enslave~~ encumber future tax payer dollars by supporting the rail, impose gay marriage on a population that already voted against it, and continues to create government programs further ~~enslaving~~ burdening the residents of Hawai'i. Why was he voted in?

Wishing On Forever

2011-05-18T21:09:00.000-10:00

I found out some unsettling news today.

I feel like I will live forever
Like my parents will never age and that they too will live forever

I feel like the people I consider my second family will live forever
That sickness will never interfere with our earthly happiness
But it does

We are, after all, human
Subject to sickness
But capable of health
and Wellness
and Joy
and Strength
and Happiness
and LOVE, unconditional

I contemplate my mortal existence
Fragile
Fleeting
and I factor in all the relationships and bonds I have nurtured over the years
and I have concluded
that
ONE LIFETIME
is not enough
I want forever
for Always
for this world
and the next

Travel Where?

2011-05-17T04:47:00.000-10:00

Husband and I are supposed to be taking a trip over Memorial Day weekend. We are unsure where to go. I originally suggested New York City. Husband doesn't want to spend money on a hotel so we have to travel to a place where we can crash at someone's house. I'm thinking that we may head out to Baltimore to visit a dear friend of mine and maybe catch the train out to New York City. I'm up in the air. In June or July we may head to Europe. Italy or Paris -- we'll see. My cousin said she wants to do Thailand for her birthday. Sounds fun! I heard it's quite inexpensive to hang out there so that is an option in the future.

I need a break... that's for sure! Everything has been piling up on me -- all my extracurricular activities. My husband, ever patient, puts up with how much I love to be out and about. School, volunteer work in the community, church obligations... I'm pooped! The month of July is off limits for anything to do with the stuff I just mentioned. I'm going to relax!!

My 36th birthday is quick approaching in August. I haven't decided what I want to do. Last year was a blast. Parasailing, my brand new Nikon D5000, comedy show... I had a blast. Life is quickly moving past me. I can't believe how fast time seems to progress. What have I done? What have I accomplished?

Photo Blog: He'eia Fish Pond

2011-05-16T09:47:00.000-10:00

This past weekend I got to spend some time at He'eia Fish Pond. The group that maintains the fish pond has community work days on the 2nd and 4th Saturday of each month. Paepae o He'eia are attempting to resurrect the area to be as sustainable as it was anciently. The ongoing objective right now is to restore the kuapa (rock wall). So, we hauled rocks for the day. My biceps are grateful for the exercise. There is just something absolutely wonderful about connecting with my culture in such a positive way.

I am always so grateful for the beautiful place that I call home. Some people are made for urban living. I'm not! I will always prefer to be half naked (like my ancestors), barely any clothing on, running around barefoot in natural surroundings!

Coconut trees, green grass, fresh water stream... this is me!

Such a gorgeous day to work. I am so grateful for this beautiful world!

Look at the gorgeous Ko'olau Mountain range (a small portion of it). This one of the things that I miss when I leave the islands... the beautiful mountains.

This is probably one of my most favorite pics of the day. We were out on the fish pond at just the right moment of the day to catch this beautiful reflection.

I love everything that is going on in this pic. The calm waters on the left side of the pic, the rushing water on the right side of the pic, the rock wall on the bottom right of the pic, the hills in the background, the blue skies and puffy clouds at the top of the pic -- What's not to love?

Perfection!

This gap in the rock wall was blown out from a wild storm back in the 1960's. This is the portion of the wall we assisted in restoring.

Music Rave/Rant

2011-05-11T23:04:00.001-10:00

A couple weeks ago I spent the entire weekend with young people... aged 14-18. I had a blast. I felt like I was in a time warp and I was a teenager all over again.

Youth Conference.... almost every denomination has some type of youth ministry that caters to the teenage population. The LDS faith is no different. We started our weekend off with a dinner and dance. The music was outstanding! I know I've expressed my disdain for music over the years but I was quite pleased with the DJ at both dances. His selection of music was perfect. My new anthem has got to be Jay Sean's DO YOU REMEMBER. I have fallen in love with that song and consequently Jay Sean. :-)

The song reminds me of my teenage years. I am incredibly nostalgic when I hear this song. I have such good memories of my teenage years as well as my childhood. My life, under the care of my parents, was not marred by any kind of abuse.... unless you count my mother's control issues. **giggles**

Another song that DOES IT for me is Firework by Katy Perry. I know it gets major overplay now. I hear it on commercials and ads for new movies coming out. I love the lyrics and the feel-good vibes and you should see the young people go crazy when this song comes on. I love to see that!

"...ignite the light and let it shine..."

The selections I made are very "pop"

FREE HUGS

2011-05-03T09:48:00.000-10:00

I work with young women ages 12-18 at church. Several months ago, one of the girls lost her grandmother. I knew how close she was to her grandmother so I instituted FREE HUGS. I walked up to her and all the girls she was sitting with and told them that today was FREE HUG day. Any takers?

All of them took me up on it.

It's kind of become a "thing" now. Random girls will come up to me for their FREE HUG. I love it. Probably what I love the most though is that I probably need it more than they do... even though that isn't what I started it for.

So today -- give a FREE HUG to someone, anyone!

Step Mom Blues

2011-04-19T23:46:00.000-10:00

I'm a step mom to a boy and a girl.

My stepson added me on Facebook.
My stepdaughter didn't.

At first, it didn't bother me at all. Today it does. Maybe it's because she added everyone else -- my husband (her father), my sister-in-law (her aunt), my mother-in-law (her grandmother) -- that I feel a little "left out". **shrugs** I mean thanks to Cinderella all stepmothers are evil, right?

She doesn't owe me a thing and she's just a child. Who cares, right? If she only knew how often I think of them and their well-being.

Current Events: Government Shutdown

2011-04-08T01:04:00.000-10:00

One quick point I would like to make:

The current media is a government machine for the purpose of furthering propaganda. It is a form of mind control.

So what has been in the headlines for the last couple of days? THE GOVERNMENT IS SHUTTING DOWN!!

The idea of the government shutting down is ridiculous. What I think is going to happen in relation to this is an imposition of a draconian-type legislation, similar to the Patriot Act, that will force the masses to submit to an ever-enlarging government, ever-increasing tax burden, and that top 1% will get richer and richer and richer. Slavery, I say!

They (Legislators) create this huge problem: THE GOVERNMENT SHUTTING DOWN
Then they create the solution: A BILL TO INFUSE MORE MONEY INTO CIRCULATION

"Hundreds of thousands of workers are suddenly out of paychecks." -Obama said that in a Press Conference today. This is an appeal to your emotions and the rationale of millions of federal workers who rely on those pay checks to live. Here's a novel idea -- why doesn't CONGRESS take a pay cut? Why does a government-shut-down mean that blue-collar folks will not get paid? If the government shuts down -- let it be in Washington D.C. **sigh**

In the old days, before the Federal Reserve System was created, the government had to ask the people (citizen/ tax payer) for more funds. Now, thanks to the Federal Reserve and legislation like Fractional Reserve Banking, Congress no longer has to ask the people for money. They just ask the Federal Reserve to print more money. Here's an example of Fractional Reserve Banking:
1. Congress goes to the Federal Reserve and asks for 10B -- they get the 10B
2. Congress in turn uses that money to pay all Federal Employees, including themselves.
3. Federal Employees turn around and deposit their money in a Federal Reserve bank (most banks operate under the Federal Reserve).
NOTE: that 10B has successfully been injected into the economy.

But with Fractional Reserve Banking, it doesn't end there. If all of that 10B gets deposited into the bank, it will show up on the Bank's books as an asset. Fractional reserve banking requires that the bank only have 10% of what it lends out to be on reserve. (Read it over a couple of times before you move on.)

If 10 Billion was deposited...... that means the banks can lend out 100 Billion. 90 Billion has been created out of thin air! On top of that... they charge interest!! **sigh** Does that make any sense to you? Following the money trail, who benefits from that?

So, let's think about this supposed GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN... what's really going on? Is it as I am implying: that the mass media machine is advancing the financial agenda of the elite power class? I would have to say........ DUH!!!

And the American people, feeling the pressure of having to pay bills and save the federal worker and hold down a mortgage and keep the heat on and feed their children and send their kid to college and on and on and on.... will ultimately fold to whatever "those people" in Washington decide.

What would happen if allllll the Federal workers walked out tomorrow?
What would happen if we all said ENOUGH is ENOUGH and we all stopped paying our mortgages and simply WALKED AWAY?
What would happen if government was as small as it was in its inception?
What would happen if we let the GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN as they are making it sound in the media?

We can overcome!
We must!

It has to start somewhere. Let it be now. Call your congressperson and tell them what you REALLY think. Tell them they need a paycut and not the blue collar guy or gal just trying to feed their family and put a roof over head.

Any Given Sunday

2011-04-05T08:20:00.013-10:00

Challenge #11: What’s your idea of a perfect Sunday? How would it differ from a typical Sunday? If it’s Sunday where you are, what kind of day is it so far?

* * * * * * * * * *

Sometimes Sunday is my busiest day.

Typical Sunday:
-Church
-Meetings
-More Meetings

Ideal Sunday:
Beach!
Barbecue!
Relaxation!

Kakela Beach -- perfect for a barbecue and some relaxation!

I don't know how we get sucked into being so busy on the supposed "day of rest". What I love about Eastern traditions is that there are general principles to govern their lives. General meaning... universal principles like Love One Another or Do Unto Others As You Would Have Done Unto You... but the practice of it is left to the believer and is not regulated by someone "judging" your actions or attempting to assess your "worthiness". As I age, I find the whole worthiness thing to be quite disturbing even though I put myself through it every couple of years.

My perfect Sunday -- relaxation. Sleep in.

* * * * * * * * * *

Photo Credit

He and She Of It All

2011-04-04T08:34:00.008-10:00

I just seen a picture of my ex-ex-ex on Facebook... a guy from the East Coast. He ended up marrying a girl that I know... we went to high school together and hung out in the same circles. I am so happy that they are still going strong after all these years. He was a boyfriend from the early 90's. Yikes... seems like yesterday but it was so long ago!

Anyway, the picture just made me realize how happy I am with where I am and who I'm with. I don't think he and I were good for each other. In some respects he did all the right things. I mean he was 'head-over-heels' in love with me and I, unfortunately, was only infatuated with him. That's the funny thing about love... when everything is in sync, when the 'he' and 'she' of it all are both at the correct moment of blossoming, the magic happens.

I love the magic! I have told the story about husband and I too many times here to rehash the "he" and "she" of it all.

A Tribute for Baby Casen: Tyrayl's Song

2011-04-01T22:33:00.000-10:00

A dear friend of mine, Neta, lost her son today. He was born a month or two ago with Spina Bifida. Baby Casen donned his angel wings today and I wanted to post this in his honor.

I wrote the lyrics to this song back in 1991 and another dear friend of mine, Omi, put it to music. I wrote it when another dear friend, Jenika, lost her son a month after his birth. In 1991, we were just juniors in high school when Jenika bore her first child. We were all there in the hospital when Baby Tyrayl took his last breath. It was very peaceful.... but still so very sad. Hearing the news today that Neta lost Baby Casen made me think of Baby Tyrayl. (A group of us sang this at his memorial service.)

I love my friends. I'm grateful for all of them in my life. Though I don't have children of my own and I could probably never understand a mother's love, I ache and hurt for my friends who have lost a child. **Sending love to Neta in Pensacola, Florida**

* * * * * * * * * *

Tyrayl's Song

Mom and Dad, will you remember me?
Mom and Dad, will you still be mine?
Although my time on earth on is done
I will still love you and always will

Mom and Dad, will I see you again?
Mom and Dad, will I feel your touch?
Please be strong until the end
I will wait for you, til we meet again

Chorus:
Dear Father, hear my plea (hear my plea)
Please bless my mom and dad
Give them strength to understand
This is our Savior's plan

Bridge:
Firm and strong, I will be someday
For you to love and hold I pray
I will always live in your memory
So just close your eyes and I'll be there
(Repeat Chorus)

* * * * * * * * * *

Rest In Eternal Love Baby Casen!

Funny People

2011-03-31T03:56:00.000-10:00

Challenge #9: Who are the three funniest people in the world? Who are the three funniest people you know personally?

* * * * * * * * * *

When I was little, I thought that Bill Cosby was the funniest man on the planet. Maybe it's because I grew up in the era when The Cosby Show ruled the television. **shrugs** Just thinking of those innocent years makes me smile and long for my childhood. I also watched Bill Cosby Himself over and over. I used to sing, "Dad is great. He give us a chocolate cake." Only a person that has seen that knows the significance of that song and the skit that goes with it. He has this way of telling a story that is so smooth and funny without being vulgar or focusing on the base and negative things in the world. He is my favorite funny guy that I actually get to enjoy with kids around.

My next favorite funny guy -- BERNIE MAC. His style is not funny one-liners. Rather, his funny-ness comes in the form of story-telling. The way he tells a story and the things he focuses on is just hilarious. Sad that he left us so soon. I remember seeing him on Def Comedy Jam on HBO then on Kings of Comedy. His Milk & Cookies skit is so hilarious. Some of us have that way of telling a story that makes it funnier than it really is.

Ellen Degeneres is my next funny person. She is such a crack-up on her talk show. I absolutely loved her as the voice of Dory in Finding Nemo.

* * * * * * * * * *

The funniest people I know in real life.... simple but I'm not sure if it will make much sense to the readers of this blog. (Last names omitted for their privacy)

HAILAMA -- ok... he is such a crack up. I think he needs to be, considering his profession. He is a tech/care-giver in a section of the hospital that is considered hospice (they're going to die soon) and doubles as a funeral director. With such morbidness around him, I don't know how he can have such an awesome sense of humor. It has toned down considerably but he is still cracking jokes every time I see him. We grew up together so I've known him all my life. When we were little, at camp, he was the "entertainment coordinator" for our little crew.

UNCLE K -- Uncle K is Hailama's uncle. He always seems to call me out whenever he is emcee'ing an event. I remember once going to a party and as soon as I cleared the reception table, I hear my name over the loud speaker. Then we have this back and forth cut-down conversation and the crowd goes nuts, laughing.

FUSILOA -- dear friend of mine. It's the wit. [She] has the quickest mind and remembers things from way-back-when. As we age, the jokes have become less cruel. I'm grateful for that. [She] is the reason why I have a 'most embarrassing moment'. Most people who were there will never forget it and I've told the story a million times also. The story is funnier if its told in person because there are just some things that can't be conveyed with the written word. We're on The City Bus. [She] pushes me as we're stopping at [her] stop. I go sliding to the front of the bus like I'm sliding into home base. [She] jumps off the bus, runs to the front and yells out, "Safe," while making the motion for it. The whole crowd laughs hysterically. I stand up and take a bow... still totally embarrassed but taking it in stride. The killer is that I have to ride the bus another three miles.

* * * * * * * * * *

Music and Me

2011-03-30T02:49:00.003-10:00

Challenge #9: If stranded on a deserted island, and could only bring one music album with you, which would it be? What is it about this music that never gets old for you?

* * * * * * * * * *

My favorite music album changes as I age. Every time I think I have found the definitive album that matches me so perfectly, I hear something else that blows my mind away.

When I was young and single and fresh out of high school, the ABOVE THE RIM Soundtrack would have been the album for me. Why would anyone pass up SWV, H-Town, 2Pac, and Tha Dogg Pound? Now, I still enjoy that particular album but my taste in music continues to evolve. Back in 1998/1999 era, I would have said that KIRK FRANKLIN and any kind of gospel music was "it" for me. But as I stated before, my taste in music continues to change. Probably the best thing I could do is make a play list of some of my absolute MUST HAVE songs because just one album would not do it for me.

Song #1: I remember when I was five years old my cousin Nani (God rest her soul) used to play The Manhattan's Shining Star over and over again. Back then, we didn't have the convenience of a cd where all you do is go back to the beginning of a song. We had cassettes and you either had to press rewind to get back to the beginning of the song (it took a minute or two, literally!) or record the song over and over on the cassette until it ran out of space. Either way, it took some effort. That song is definitely imprinted in my mind and would be considered a song that I would want on a CD because of the memories associated with the song. Song #1 SHINING STAR

Song #2: My parents are fans of Country-Western music. As a little girl, my father would put in his Glen Campbell 8-Track and we'd cruise down Kamehameha Highway, aboard our white impala (sixth generation) with red vinyl top and red interior. I can still remember singing, "..There's been a load of compromisin'/ On the road to my horizon/ But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me/ Like a rhinestone cowboy/ Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo..." Any Glen Campbell song will remind me of my father. But the one that makes me miss him even when he's right next to me is Wichita Lineman. I have to give it to country-music, the lyrics often tell a song that is not based solely on lascivious desire as is the case with some rap, some hip-hop, and some r&b. So song #2 is definitely WICHITA LINEMAN.

Song #3... comes from one of my favorite movies of all time... The Mirror Has Two Faces starring Barbra Streisand has the title song "I Finally Found Someone". That is a definite favorite. And if I'm imagining that I'm on a deserted island then I would want this song handy to remind me of this movie and what my life was like when I first seen it. The movie came out in 1996. I didn't see it until probably 2001 or 2002... the ex and I were separated. I was feeling very, very low -- doubting my reflection. Why didn't he love me? Am I unloveable? I went through a myriad of emotions mostly pointing to me feeling sorry for myself. The movie portrays Barbra as a frumpy single lady who marries the handsomest professer for all the wrong reasons... just for the sake of being married. HMMMM... sounded so much like my life at the time. To find out what happens... well... you have to watch the movie! SONG #3: I FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE.

Song #4 is an unlikely choice that ties into Song #3. It was another song that was featured on The Mirror Has Two Faces in a roundabout way. The song -- Nessun Dorma as performed by Pavarotti. My folks did not raise me around things like ballet or opera so hearing this song was such an experience. I don't even know what the song is talking about but it comes from the opera Turandot. It is magnificent!

Song #5 ... this song OFTEN makes me feel homesick for somewhere beyond this earth. I don't know if folks can connect with that. I wrote about it before on here. It stimulates weird emotions... not weird meaning bad but like weird meaning new emotions and experiences. The song is by Christopher Cross, SAILING. The vibrations of this song is at the right level to reduce me to tears -- homesick.

Song #6 ... going in a totally different direction, one of the greatest rock songs for me comes from the classic late 80's rock band Guns-and-Roses. WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE. I love that song. I love Axel Rose. Not only is it a pumping, up beat song but it appears on the movie Lean On Me.... great memories.

Song #7 ...a rap classic PAID IN FULL by Eric B. and Rakim. The bass line and sound bytes are representative of the era of Yo! MTV Raps (at least for me, it is). I remember first hearing that song and seeing that video. I was/ am hooked. Current "pop hip hop" artists can't even touch the lyrical skills of old school rap masters like Rakim. His distinct voice coupled with his delivery and poetry -- no one can duplicate it. The quality of his voice is probably my favorite even to this day. (I like Dr Dre's voice also.) East Coast style rap was king before NWA hit the scene and when they did -- it was up in the air who ruled the rap waves.

Song #8 ...I NEED LOVE. L.L. Cool J was, in my opinion, the finest man I had ever seen when I was 12. I always imagined that he was rapping right to me when he did this song. I used to write down the lyrics over and over in my journal. Til this day, I can still rap the entire song. Goodness, it's been over 20 years. I amaze myself.

Song #9 ... SEPTEMBER by Earth Wind and Fire. That song makes me feel happy. I can just see myself waking up to this song if I were deserted on an island. It wakes me up and makes me feel a little nostalgic.... wishing for the carefree innocence of childhood.

Song #10 ...CLAIR DE LUNE composed by Claude Debussy and performed by 101 Strings Orchestra. This is my most favorite classical piece of all time. It appears in a couple of Hollywood movies. Think of the end scene of Oceans 11, outside of The Bellagio, the water dances to this tune. It's used in Twilight. I've heard it was cut from a crane scene in the 1940 Disney Classic, Fantasia. I just love the good vibes I get from this song. The thought of being on a deserted island makes me think of the piano or the stringed instruments I will not hear for awhile.

* * * * * * * * * *

I think that's a pretty good playlist for now. I have eclectic taste in music. What can I say?

I heart you, You haunt me

2011-03-29T11:17:00.002-10:00

Jackson sits with me.

He plays with the TV

from time to time,

making the channels turn.

At first it makes me smile.

Then it gets on my nerves.

Big time.

Because he can't talk

like a normal guy.

He can't hold hands

like a normal guy.

He can't kiss

like a normal guy.

Unless it's in my dreams,

and then we do those last two things.

But dreaming about them

isn't the same

as actually

doing them

and experiencing them.

All he can really do

are the strange ghostly things

that let me know

he's here.

(Excerpt from the book by Lisa Scrhoeder,
I heart you, You haunt me)

The other day I asked for some advice on how to deal with a young woman whose boyfriend just passed. In the comment section someone suggested this book. Praises to the smart people who thought up Public Libraries. I requested the book online and was able to pick it up within a few days. Spectacular!

So I read this book hoping to understand the myriad of feelings that a young woman I associate with may be going through. What I came away with is a feeling of triumph for the central character, Ava, who overcomes her grief for having lost her boyfriend, Jackson.

The book is an easy read. It took me all of 45-minutes to get through. The format: Verse Novel. I have never read a verse novel so this was an interesting treat.

Ava loses Jackson to a diving accident which she dared him to do. She carries the guilt with her. Immediately following his funeral services she begins to feel his presence in the hope indicated by a cold impression. He signals her with songs on the radio and the opening and closing of cabinets. He appears in the mirror and in her dreams.

In dialogues with friends and specifically with an ex-boyfriend, Ava gets a push in the right direction. The ex tells her how he 'got over her'.

"I just decided, Ava.
That's all.
I just decided."

She tosses the idea around and finally musters the courage to let go of her guilt, a switch in the mind that happens so quick.

The beauty of it all is evidenced in a letter she writes to her parents. If I could, I would tell the girl I associate with the same.

***

When I look out at the stars now, I wish with everything I have that Jackson was still here. Every day, I've wished.

But today, I'm wondering something. What is Jackson's wish for me?

I think his wish for me is this:

Joy, not sorrow.

Laughter, not tears.

Life, not death.

Love, not blame.

***

Personal Mastery

2011-03-25T11:39:00.000-10:00

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned what I am majoring in at the American Public University.... I am into my junior year there and am nearly complete with a BA in Philosophy. I love it! Especially now that my courses have left behind Western Philosophy and we are heading into Asian Philosophy.

Today in my course readings I came upon the following passage:

How can I be certain of victory?

I can only be without fear.

This is such a profound statement. To think, it was penned in the 4th Century BCE (before the common era) by Mengzi or as Westerners know him -- Mencius. Perhaps some are pondering why this is such a profound statement. In the passages that preceded this statement, they are discussing courage. Courage is the opposite of fear. Would you agree? If courage is the exact opposite of fear then we should all be able to think up a time when we have overcome fear. We pushed right through the fear and did whatever it was that was unbelievably fearful.

A couple of years ago, I attended a seminar called Personal Mastery put on by the team at Klemmer & Associates. I can honestly say that it was the hardest thing I have ever done. There were several outcomes from that workshop that have probably changed the direction of my life most of which had to do with communication. I can't even begin to explain each and every gem that I picked up at the seminar. The gems didn't come all it once. In fact, as the years roll by I make more and more epiphanies from the experience I gained at the Klemmer workshop.

So what was so hard about the seminar?

It pushed me in a different direction than the one that my parents placed me on. We are all a product of our environment. The skills I learned in Personal Mastery helped me see my life for what it is, to see each and every person on life's journey as they are, to see that no circumstance is fixed. I can choose what I do with the circumstances. The hard part came in the purging portions of the seminar. I carried a whole lotta junk on my shoulders and I learned how to deal with the different circumstances in my life. I can't go into detail only because I can't narrow it down to one thing. It was just well worth the time and money I invested in it.

They'll be here in Hawai'i soon. The Klemmer series of workshops begin with a Champion's Workshop. It's basically a sales pitch for the next seminar. And all the seminars are well worth the money. The next one is happening on March 28th. If you're in the Honolulu area, you should check it out. Conquer the fear!

http://www.klemmer.com/workshops/honolulu-hi

Live Forever? Here?

2011-03-22T02:27:00.000-10:00

Challenge #8: If you could live forever, would you? Why or why not?

* * * * * * * * * *

This question instantly makes me reflect on my own personal philosophical beliefs. Everyone has a different way of looking at things. Even if people subscribe to the same "religious" philosophy, ultimately we each choose what it is that actually speaks to our core.

Many people struggle with death. For me, the sadness comes from the loss of contact and not from a belief that I WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN. Death, for me, is a birth into another existence. There's nothing far-reaching about believing in that. With that being said, if I could live forever in this existence I WOULDN'T! Remaining in the earth dimension means I'm stuck... no progression... and I want to move on to the next stage. Living forever on the earth without a way off of it is like playing a game of baseball and never ending it. At some point, the game must end.

Many eastern religions/ philosophies believe in reincarnation -- that our souls are immortal and we are birthed into many different existences. I tend toward the belief that it is possible. One finite existence seems to be the enemy of infinity and abundance. Our universe is ever expanding, infinite, and if God is the Creator -- why would he limit us to one mortal existence? Why would I only get one opportunity to learn whatever it is I need to learn here upon the earthly plane?

Wow... that was a mouthful. Me live forever? Here? Nahh... Not me!

March Madness: Prom

2011-03-21T09:46:00.000-10:00

My High School Alma Mater held their annual Junior/ Senior Prom this past weekend. I had a blast helping my baby boy get through it all. He was a nervous wreck throughout the entire week. This was his first and only formal event. When I was in high school I went to EVERYTHING. Every single banquet. Every single prom. Every single winter ball. I attended every single event with a different date so I had a lot of practice interacting with persons of the opposite sex. Anyway, here are some of the pics that I snapped.

Classic Looks

I love her dress. Classic. Elegant!

One of my favorite pictures of the day.

Flower. Flowers... my favorite ones too... Red and White Roses!

I didn't really like the LADY GAGA-esque look but to each his own. She rocked it.

Very nice.

Both of these boys... my babies! They grew up so fast. **sigh**

My baby boy and his date... very nice pic!

My other baby boy and his date.

Loved this dress. Very classy!

One of my favorite dresses of the evening!

Another favorite dress. All the beading and sequins was very nice!

The yellow dress was OUTSTANDING!

Another favorite dress!

I love their style!

Puanani blew me away with this dress. It is a hit!


This was the MOST original color dress of the evening. Very nice!

Need Advice, Will Listen

2011-03-18T11:57:00.000-10:00

There's this girl. A teenage girl.

She lost her boyfriend through a terrible tragedy.

She wrote on her boyfriend's Facebook page that she misses him and that she can't wait to see him again and that maybe, it will be sooner than later.

What is she trying to say?

What should I say to her?
Should I say anything?

I wish I could help her through her pain.

* * * * * * * * * *
I don't know what it's like to lose someone you love "like that" to a tragic event. Especially as a teenager... when emotions are running high and everything is a dramatic production... think Romeo and Juliet. But I do know that wallowing in the sadness of it is not a way to live.

Here Kitty

2011-03-17T11:14:00.002-10:00

The other night a cat showed up at our house. He/She (I haven't checked the sex of the cat yet. I think she looks pregnant.) walked right up to me and weaved between my legs. You know the way cats do. "Ziggy", my name for this cat, rubbed up against my right leg then between my legs to rub up against my left leg.

I love cats. I have always loved cats. They have these soulful eyes that seem to see beyond what our human eyes see. They are very different from dogs whose eyes reflect innocence... at least in my opinion.

I am standing there, outside on our back lanai that is doubling as our kitchen for now since we are renovating, and I stared into Ziggy's eyes.

I asked him/her, "Do I know you?"

He/she stared back at me, "Meow."

I've been talking about getting a cat for a couple of months now. Not only does it help with the "pest" control but I just love the low-maintenance of a cat. Just for your information... this is NOT a house cat. This cat is an outdoor cat so no "potty training" or anything like that. I fed her... I finally went and checked and Ziggy is a "her" and I think she's pregnant. For whatever reason she showed up at my house and made herself comfortable -- she's still here and I'm glad that she is.

Driven Nuts

2011-03-09T08:19:00.001-10:00

Challenge #7: What’s going on in your life right now that’s driving you nuts?

* * * * * * * * * *
Something that is making me crazy right now is.... that my little brother got suspended from school for taking pop-pops and a smoke bomb and igniting it on school property.

I was naughty but not thatttttt naughty. I caused trouble but it was all so very harmless.

I have nothing really exciting to say about the subject. I will just leave it at that. This is the ONE ISSUE that is driving me nuts!

Simple Tech

2011-03-08T08:09:00.000-10:00

Challenge #6:What’s one piece of technology you can’t live without?

* * * * * * * * * *

One of the definitions of TECHNOLOGY is:

the sum of the ways in which social groups provide themselves with the material objects of their civilization.

With that definition, almost anything in my life would be considered technology; from the bed I sleep in to the computer through which I communicate. My most favorite piece of technology, as simple as this may sound, is pen and paper. I cannot separate them from each other. They are the dynamic duet and I can't have one without the other.

I pick the pen and paper because, as I look back on my life, the constants are my journals. I have carried them with me everywhere. All the times I have moved, it's taken the journey with me. Many of them are tattered and falling apart and I'm thinking of scanning them to preserve whatever messages are on its pages. Actually, I cringe when I read the stuff that I wrote as a teenager. My mindset was so childish and I know that is part of human development but my thoughts were so narrow. So strange. I will definitely post some samples from my pre-teen years. If anything, it is quite humorous.

Coming a close second to the pen and paper is the camera. Back in the day we had film. I have saved so much money not having to process and print pictures. I'm so grateful for the mind that thought up the digital camera. I have a serious love for photos. That is my most favorite (and expensive) hobby.

My tastes are fairly simple. Even though I love gadgets (especially the ones from Apple), what I truly love are the simple tech stuff.

Imagine an Occupied America

2011-03-04T00:09:00.000-10:00

One of the reasons I love Ron Paul so much is his aversion to the U.S. occupation of Iraq. I have reposted an article that he wrote... scroll down for it. I've said it so many times before -- there is no valid reason for the U.S. to be in Iraq. No matter what "story" they tell us through the media, none of them are sufficient for the occupation and murder of Iraqi and Afghan people. None!

I am not a supporter of the war in Iraq. I believe that 9/11 was an "allowed" tragedy that forced America into a war, similar to the bombing of Pearl Harbor. I think that the government colluded with the international bankers to orchestrate everything. Most say HOGWASH but I have studied the evidence on both sides of the spectrum. If you follow the money trail, it leads directly to the collusion I just mentioned. Under those pretenses, the undeclared war being waged in the Middle East is not at all for the "freedoms" and "liberties" of Americans. THAT is HOGWASH!

* * * * * * * * * * Imagine an Occupied America
By Ron Paul

Imagine for a moment that somewhere in the middle of Texas there was a large foreign military base, say Chinese or Russian. Imagine that thousands of armed foreign troops were constantly patrolling American streets in military vehicles. Imagine they were here under the auspices of "keeping us safe" or "promoting democracy" or "protecting their strategic interests."

Imagine that they operated outside of U.S. law, and that the Constitution did not apply to them. Imagine that every now and then they made mistakes or acted on bad information and accidentally killed or terrorized innocent Americans, including women and children, most of the time with little to no repercussions or consequences. Imagine that they set up checkpoints on our soil and routinely searched and ransacked entire neighborhoods of homes. Imagine if Americans were fearful of these foreign troops and overwhelmingly thought America would be better off without their presence.

Imagine if some Americans were so angry about them being in Texas that they actually joined together to fight them off, in defense of our soil and sovereignty, because leadership in government refused or were unable to do so. Imagine that those Americans were labeled terrorists or insurgents for their defensive actions, and routinely killed or captured and tortured by the foreign troops on our land. Imagine that the occupiers' attitude was that if they just killed enough Americans, the resistance would stop, but instead, for every American killed, 10 more would take up arms against them, resulting in perpetual bloodshed. Imagine if most of the citizens of the foreign land also wanted these troops to return home. Imagine if they elected a leader who promised to bring them home and put an end to this horror.

Imagine if that leader changed his mind once he took office.

The reality is that our military presence on foreign soil is as offensive to the people that live there as armed Chinese troops would be if they were stationed in Texas. We would not stand for it here, but we have had a globe-straddling empire and a very intrusive foreign policy for decades that incites a lot of hatred and resentment toward us.

According to our own CIA, our meddling in the Middle East was the prime motivation for the horrific attacks on 9/11. But instead of reevaluating our foreign policy, we have simply escalated it. We had a right to go after those responsible for 9/11, to be sure, but why do so many Americans feel as if we have a right to a military presence in some 160 countries when we wouldn't stand for even one foreign base on our soil, for any reason? These are not embassies, mind you, these are military installations. The new administration is not materially changing anything about this. Shuffling troops around and playing with semantics does not accomplish the goals of the American people, who simply want our men and women to come home. Fifty thousand troops left behind in Iraq is not conducive to peace any more than 50,000 Russian soldiers would be in the United States.

Shutting down military bases and ceasing to deal with other nations with threats and violence is not isolationism. It is the opposite. Opening ourselves up to friendship, honest trade, and diplomacy is the foreign policy of peace and prosperity. It is the only foreign policy that will not bankrupt us in short order, as our current actions most definitely will. I share the disappointment of the American people in the foreign policy rhetoric coming from the administration. The sad thing is, our foreign policy will change eventually, as Rome's did, when all budgetary and monetary tricks to fund it are exhausted.

Seattle In Review

2011-02-28T10:24:00.006-10:00

Husband and I went to Seattle last weekend. We spent just a day in Seattle but visited enough places to generate a review.

Directly from the airport, husband and I headed over to Pikes Market. I posted the pics in a previous post. I got some really good shots. I wish it weren't so cold. I would have really enjoyed it more. The market is open air and unheated. Brrrr.... that morning we arrived it was in the low 30's.

The treasure find of our visit to Pikes Market was Left Bank Books. Bookstores always attract me especially the tiny ones. They have the best book selection for people like myself and my husband. Several of the books that I have on my Amazon.com wish list were in the store and since they were running a sale, I bought a couple of them. From what we were able to gather, the store is in a temporary location for a couple weeks while their old location gets some needed earthquake upgrades. Their temporary locale is quaint and very intimate (I haven't seen the normal location). It doesn't feel sterile like a big Borders or Barnes and Noble. It's like comparing a hospital room (Borders) to your bedroom at home (Left Bank Books). There's just no comparison. I rather be in my own bed where there's still good energy in the room and where I feel alive. I don't want to be in a sterile environment.

There were two clerks in the store. They were helpful and seemed to be really interested in the topics and subjects of the books they were selling. I love that! I like to imagine that they thought of each and every book like it was a pet. They knew each one by name and all the wonderful things it could do. It seemed as if they knew a lot about every single book that we picked up to browse. I love that! In comparison to a Borders shop where the workers hardly acknowledge my presence, many of them are not well read, it's just too impersonal. Give me the Mom & Pop over the big box store.

By my own estimate I'd guess that the store was maybe 10x10. It was not very large at all. The only word I could use to describe it, really, is intimate! $60 dollars later we left 4 Books richer:
Guns, Germs, and Steel
Willful Disobedience >>huge treasure because this book is HARD.TO.FIND.
Black Women and Feminism
Leopolds Ghost

After Pikes Market, we headed over to Southcenter Mall where my sister and her boyfriend took us to lunch. They selected Rain Forest Cafe... a place that none of us had eaten at. Of allllll the places I have ever... ever... eaten at, the Rainforest Cafe in Seattle is THE WORST. This is what I ordered and this is what is in the menu:

FISH TACOS
Your choice of tempura fried or blackened mahi mahi wrapped in corn tortillas with red cabbage, fresh cilantro, pico de gallo and our avocado cream sauce. Served with carribean rice and black beans.

Doesn't that sound delicious? The server, Mary, suggested the blackened mahi mahi. I have to say that the servers we encountered were all very good but they can't have repeat customers with the food they served us. The corn tortillas were very limp and greasy. The fish had no taste. What was I thinking eating mahi mahi in Seattle when there's an abundance of it in Hawai'i? The food was very, very bland. My husband selected fish and chips and the "chips" were very greasy. So -- skip the theme restaurant if you're looking for really good food. They probably make more money on the "novelty" things they sell like the tshirts and magnets and all that stuff. I will never eat there again. Even if the PR person contacted me to offer me a free meal -- I will NOT eat there. If they significantly change the menu and have more control over how the cooks are trained then I might consider.

Photo Credit

My new love... Forever 21. I visited the Tacoma Mall because my sister suggested it. The Forever 21 store in that mall is gigantic. It is almost as large as the anchor stores like JCPenny and Macys. Love it! I snagged several outfits and mix and match stuff that fit like a glove on my body. Many stores can't produce exceptional plus size clothing. Especially the WalMarts of the world but Forever 21 has it down! The prices are affordable. The clothes are trendy. Large selection. It has just become my new favorite store. Oh... Nordstrom Rack is another store that I didn't venture into until Seattle. I just always figured they didn't carry plus size clothes. I went in there because my sister suggested that it is one of the best places to get shoes. She was NOT kidding. They had my size also. Love it!

Husband and I ended that very cold evening doing take out from Red Robin. We get the same thing every time we go there -- Whiskey River BBQ Burger. Yumm-o! No Red Robin in Hawai'i so when we can, we always get a bite to eat there. They never disappoint. When you eat-in, bottomless fries. Terrible for the diet but easy on the wallet.

Dessert was @ Marie Callenders. This is the perfect example of how BIG stores cannot guarantee good quality baked goods. I'm not sure how Marie Callenders produces their baked goods but the cupcakes we purchased were HORRIBLE! Just like the Rainforest Cafe, I will never consume anything from Marie Callenders ever again. Yuck!

My review of Seattle sounds so negative but at the same time I had such a good time.... had excellent quality time with my husband. It was our late Valentines celebration. I spent a ton of money in Nordstrom Rack and Forever 21. Spoiled!

The Hive

2011-02-27T08:41:00.000-10:00

CHALLENGE #5: If you had your own reality show, what would it be called? What would it be about? Who would the main characters be?

* * * * * * * * * *
We live in the era of REALITY SHOWS. I have my favorites. The Real World is the show that started it all for me. I think that was way back in the late 80's. That first season had me hooked. I was convinced that it was scripted because there just couldn't be that much drama in one place, seemingly, 24 hours a day. I am already a 'people watcher' by nature so reality shows have just taken it to another level. From Biggest Loser to Basketball Wives on VH-1 and Housewives of Atlanta on Bravo. True Life on MTV and Pregnant at 16. RuPaul's Drag Race is quite entertaining. Watching it makes me feel like I'm in a room with my tranny friends. HGTV's Design Star is another fave. My all-time reality show though is PROJECT RUNWAY on Lifetime. Tim Gunn is the shizzz! Oh -- I also like What Not To Wear.

If I had a reality show it would be called
THE HIVE

THE HIVE would star ten secretaries (administrative assistants) in a large corporation. Here are some "must-have" scenario's:

Single mother in a custody battle with her ex-husband

Admin assistant sleeps with boss

Super Mom that wishes she could be a housewife

Addictive personality admin assitant

The "B" -- nothing is good enough for her

The ultra conservative lady with "strong morals"

The Cheerleader turned Corporate Cheerleader

The lesbian that made a mistake and wants to go back to heterosexuality

The heterosexual male admin assistant (think of that guy in Sandra Bullock's movie, The Proposal)

The gay male admin assistant

I think that would make an excellent show if not, dramatic!! I call it THE HIVE to be symbolic of all the worker bees that make a corporation run.

Infused With Fear or Brand New Eyes

2011-02-24T00:29:00.003-10:00

My previous post was about doing a "media fast" as suggested by one of my favorite websites -- Daily OM. That means that you skip watching TV, movies, skip the daily newspaper, turn off the cell phone, step away from the internet, etc. for a period time. It could be one day then maybe the following week would be two days, the next week would be three days, until you can successfully move about life without NEEDING the internet. I am totally guilty of needing the internet. I stepped away from browsing Facebook significantly. I just don't feel the draw to it anymore however I am still quite attached to my blog, this blog. I also have a fondness for my World of Warcraft game. I am amazed at how much time I spend on WoW. I have also walked away from my Blackberry. I'm tired of being totally accessible to everyone at anytime. Irritating. Misplacing the phone contributed to our gentle break-up.

Anyway, the point of this post is to tie my last two posts together and why stepping away from the media is important to how I formed my opinion about TSA as a whole. Of course this post is entirely philosophical in nature.

Let us imagine a child that grows up in a bubble. Let us call him Emile. (Bonus points if you recognize who or what Emile is.) Emile, having grown up in a bubble with two instructors -- his own curiosity and a tutor -- is given an airplane ticket to Hawai'i. Let's pretend that the bubble is located in Seattle, Washington (site of my recent TSA incident).

Emile is not aware of the existence of television, the internet, newspapers, or any other media outlet. He is fed a healthy dose of religious texts, from the Upanishads, the Holy Bible, to the K'oran, and the Tibetan Book of the Dead, and is allowed to interpret the information as he sees fit. Emile is allowed to explore every avenue that his natural curiosity leads him to. If, for instance, he reads about Jesus Christ in the Bible and would like further texts that mention him, he may request from the tutor any text that is similar to or mentions Jesus Christ. He has lived his entire life in this manner having access to any topic that piques his interest.

Let us imagine he approaches the Seattle-Tacoma airport. He is in awe of the highways and the automobiles that, up until this point, were non-existent to him. Perhaps he had read about highway systems in books about the Roman Empire or the Silk Road throughout Asia but actually seeing the road system exceeded his imagination.

Upon Emile's arrival at the Sea-Tac Airport, he checks his bag along with the tutor and makes haste to the security checkpoint, the TSA. This is a critical juncture. This, for me, is the most important part to this mini-parable. TSA screening is something that Emile has not experienced before. If you and I looked at the situation with new eyes, having no clue what the screening is about, what would it appear to be?

Emile's possessions are inspected and sent through a machine for further investigation.

Emile is required to remove his shoes, his belt, and all metal objects on his person.

Emile must empty his pockets.

Emile is reminded of the United State Constitution -- Amendment #4 -- the one about illegal search and seizure. Sure, he had emerged from a bubble but in the bubble, he had studied the Constitution in depth and was well-versed of the philosophical beliefs that influenced the Constitution; people like John Locke, Hume, of course Rousseau, and Imanuel Kant, amongst others. Emile thought, "Are we still in the United States?"

As Emile makes his way through the security check point, the tutor explains to him the reasoning for the invasion of privacy.

"Emile, the United States government implemented this security check point because they fear that terrorists will climb aboard a plane with explosives."

It is this exact piece of information/ story that Emile (all of us) must accept to justify the "search and seizure".

So I ask you, the general public:
Who is telling the story? Who tells us the story that would make us accept any information under the guise of public safety?

Though none of us live in a bubble, who creates your reality?

If I tell you that people in Hawai'i are cannibals, would that change your behavior or desire to come to Hawai'i?

If the government implements a National Threat Advisory, does that make you feel safer? Or does one have to accept the "story" that is told about terrorism. Remember the movie by M. Night Shyamalan, The Village? If you have not seen the movie and would like to see it, fair warning, SPOILER ALERT. A group of psychologists get together and create this 19th century village in the middle of nowhere. They are known as The Council of Elders. The Villagers and the creatures in the forest maintain a pact that keeps the villagers away from the forest and the creatures away from the village. All the young people tell stories about a world beyond the village. Whenever the young people begin to get riled up about going beyond the borders of the village, some kind of omen shows up in the village and the Council of Elders change the flags around the village from red to yellow or vice versa to signify that an attack from the woods is imminent. Very, very similar to our National Threat Advisory. In one explosive scene, the creatures actually do emerge from the forest and frightens the entire town into their cellars. Eventually, the story unravels and what is discovered is that the Council of Elders (the Village's government) is also the creatures from the forest.

Why would the government be the solution and the problem?
What benefits are associated with being both?
For me, there can only be one reason and that is:

CONTROL!

I don't know where this quote is from but I think of it often whenever I feel like my God-given rights are being stripped from me.

Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so.

This is all food for thought. The media and the government tell us a story. We accept it because of some terrible tragedy. But what if, just as The Village, the government is the problem and the solution? What if we looked at the TSA with new eyes like Emile and reject the "story" the media tells us?

Who manufactures your reality? <---Click the link and read the article. Trust me, if they're doing it in China then it has already successfully been done in the U.S.For some, fear is a great motivator. For me, fear is the absence of love. In the New Testament of the Holy Bible, one of my most favorite scriptures reads:

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love, and of a sound mind.
~2 Timothy 1:7

Just remember we choose to either be "infused with fear" or seeing the world as Emile, with "brand new eyes".

Daily OM: Evaluating Media

2011-02-22T11:15:00.000-10:00

The following is from Daily OM. I am reposting it here because it is a great reminder to me that I/WE/YOU create the world in which we live in. What we put in our mind manifests itself.

* * * * * * * * * *

Evaluating Media
Fresh Mind

It is up to us to seek out media that empowers and informs us, and to say no to media that drains energy and hope.

There is a lot of information available to us at this time in history, more than ever before, and it travels fast. We are able to learn in the blink of an eye about something that happened halfway around the world, and it’s natural for us to want to know what’s going on. However, it’s also fair to say that we don’t want to become so caught up in one way of looking at events that we lose perspective. Often, the news comes to us in a very fear-oriented format, and when too many of us get caught up in fear, the balance of the whole is disrupted. It helps to remember that we have a much greater and more positive impact on the world when we maintain our inner sense of peace and joy.

We are aware enough to know when we are eating something that is not good for us, because we don’t feel well after we’ve eaten it. In the same way, we can determine for ourselves whether the sources in which our information comes are ultimately healthful. News can be presented in a way that inspires us to take positive action to help the world, or it can be presented in a way that leaves us feeling powerless and sad. It is up to us to seek out and support media that empowers and informs us, and to say no to media that drains our energy and our hope.

For a time, it may even be of benefit to commit to a media fast, in which we stop taking information in for a time to give ourselves a rest. When we return to the task of taking in and processing the information all around us, we will come to it with a fresh mind. This will enable us to really notice how we are affected by what we hear and see, and to make conscious choices about the sources of information that we allow into our lives.

Unfriendly TSA: Invasive in Seattle

2011-02-20T21:52:00.000-10:00

I just got through the TSA screeners at the Sea-Tac Airport. I am very, very upset with the service of the TSA employees. Is this really necessary?

As I approached the screener today, I had made up my mind that I was going to opt out of going through the X-RAY machine. There are three purposes for my decision:

1. PRIVACY - Have you seen the images that are taken by those x-ray machines? They take a snapshot of your body in the NUDE. I have no shame when it comes to my body. I really don't. If it were up to me, I would never wear a bra or tshirt again in my life because I prefer being in a lavalava than being fully clothed. The issue with me is that none of the TSA workers or the Feds need to see any of it. This is my body and I prefer that strangers NOT be allowed to view it without my permission.
Click for Photo Credit

2. HEALTH - Who knows what kind of x-ray radiation our bodies are being subjected to by going through the machine? Even at the dentist you have to wear protective gear when they x-ray your mouth. They stuff all that cotton in your mouth then put that hard cardboard thing in too. Then they put that heavy blue apron on you before they snap the picture. Even the technician has to stand behind a partition when they do the x-ray'ing. With that being said, why would I want to subject myself to that type of radiation?
Click for Photo Credit

3. POLITICAL DEFIANCE - The final reason is that I am not a political pawn to be used to justify the use of taxpayers dollars to purchase the scanners. The TSA director is purported to have a vested interest in the company that produces the x-ray machine. In other words, he holds stock in the company that will produce and sell the machine to the TSA. If that isn't a conflict of interest, I don't know what is! He has also been quoted as having said that the x-ray machine would not have detected the explosives on the shoe-bomber guy. So once again... why do we need the x-ray machine? Ugghh!!!

So as I approach the scanner thing I politely tell the woman screener, "Ma'am, I'd prefer to be pat down instead of going through the scanner."

She yells to someone off in the distance, "We have an opt-out." She points to a specific place for me to stand to wait for someone to do the pat down.

I have to point out that the gentleman two people in front of me was not thrilled with the process. He had not taken off his shoes or his belt. He was giving the TSA screener a hard time. I felt his annoyance with the TSA workers because they were very rude. As the man is beginning to remove his belt, she yells to the worker on the other side of the xray machine, "This guy is giving me a hard time." Okay -- embarrassing and very unprofessional even if it's true. Just because someone works for a pseudo-government agency doesn't give them a pass to be an ass.

Annoyed man enters xray machine. This extremely round man on the other end begins to bark out instructions to the man. Okay -- once again, embarrassing and very unprofessional.

Another guy follows the annoyed man and everything goes off without a hitch. Of course it does -- compliance is always the easiest route, right? Is it? Is compliance easier, rather, is compliance more important than PRIVACY, HEALTH, and REFUSAL TO SUBMIT TO UNFAIR PRACTICES? At what point is enough, enough?

So there I am standing at the appointed location to await my pat down. Husband is right behind me and he opts out as well. The very young woman behind him opts out also. So there we three are awaiting our pat down. I agree with all the people who say that these invasive practices are in violation of the 4th Amendment. As a refresher, the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States (it was included in the original Bill of Rights) says:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Everyone complies with this "unreasonable searches and seizures" under the guise that this will protect us from the terrorists. The topic of terrorists could take this post into another discussion but I will reserve that for future examination and remain with the topic at hand.

As I'm standing there in the appointed position, a woman in the other line is attempting to get through. She has a very young baby in tow. He could have possibly been about 9 months. Her diaper bag is, of course, full of stuff for the baby from formula to baby food and the male TSA worker is giving her the hardest time about ziplocs and appropriate ounces. As she attempts to walk through the scanner, a female worker comes from behind and tells her that she has to remove the baby from her person and walk through the scanner. The mother tells the worker, "Are you going to carry my baby? I am traveling alone." I reach over and offer to carry the baby. The TSA woman comes over quickly and grabs the baby, tells the mother that she has to put the baby on the stainless steel table while she walks through the scanner. Really? Terrible!

As I am watching this whole scene unfold, the woman that will pat me down finally retrieves me. I must tell you that the 'pat-down' is very, very INVASIVE. If I were lesbian, the groping she did might have done something to me. It was THAT invasive. On top of that, they do it right there in front of the ENTIRE crowd of people waiting to come through the gate. The worker feels every inch of my body and it is NOT a pat down and more like a FEEL DOWN. Husband is getting the treatment next to me from a male worker.

After the gloved feel down, the worker then do a swab down of our clothing with this large cotton pad. They wiped both husband and I with the swabs then put it into this machine. The machine came back with no interesting results so I am free to dress and head to my gate while my husband's swab comes back POSITIVE for explosive material. Really? We were together all day. How is mine negative and his POSITIVE? hmmm... sounds random to me!

Two male workers take husband into a private area and question him. I can hear them.

"Where were you today?"
"Have you been in contact with anyone...?"

It was nonsense! When husband came out he told me that they did an even more invasive feel down in the private area. As a U.S. citizen, why is this ok? Innocent until proven guilty or are we all guilty to begin with?

I am going to let my the congress people in Washington D.C. know about how I feel about this. One voice can turn into many if more people would care more about their rights and less about willful obedience. All the young people are revolting around the world, upset with the powers in their governments. And here is America, with the most powerful military on the planet and the most apathetic, indifferent citizenship in the world.

We are laden with rights endowed from our Creator to force the government to obey its citizens or revolt until they do.

REVOLUTION!

Photo Blog: Pike Public Market, Seattle, Washington

2011-02-19T17:10:00.000-10:00

Seattle's Pike Public Market has so much to offer in terms of photo-ops. There were several photographers on site and even a few film makers setting up their scenes. It was much too cold for me to catch some of the other vendors at the market but hopefully I will be able to make it back here when it's warmer.

This is my mom's favorite so I will probably be taking a cooler home.

Lots and lots of seafood but it's cheaper at home.... even the salmon.

Plum and Apricot hybrid?

This is the most gorgeous produce display I have ever seen. The contrasting colors caught my eye.

Puget Sound

So glad that my husband is always a willing subject for my serious photo hobby. :-)

He makes my heart skip a beat...

What Noun Am I?

2011-02-18T08:13:00.004-10:00

CHALLENGE #4: Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or something else?
* * * * * * * * * *

I remember when I used to consider myself an eternal optimist. For me, that meant that all of humanity was in concert to grant me the greatest good. I suppose I still believe that, except that now my greatest good sometimes come in the form of terrible heartbreak.

This blog has made my life such an open book. Many of my experiences in the past seven years have been shamelessly strewn across your computer screen. I have nothing to hide. I am human. I think my "About Me" section in the top right corner of the blog says it all:

This is my outlet! I write about
things I love,
things I hate,
things that hurt me,
things that go bump in the night,
things that disturb me,
things that are uplifting,
things that are on my mind,
things that are spiritual,
things that make me... utterly HUMAN!

In some philosophical traditions, a soul mate is someone that enters your life to teach a lesson. Thus, many people that have exited my life and most that are still in my life have contributed to my totality.

So the idea that "the entire universe is in concert for my greatest good" is still true. People who have hurt me are a part of teaching me to be the best me I can be. I'm thinking that the noun, OPTIMIST, still applies to me.

My world... the universe... is such an abundant place. Though I have crossed paths with some "not-so-good" people, I have a perfect understanding that they too are children of the MOST HIGH. I have great compassion on people in the past who have hurt me because I know that they were hurting also. It's almost easier to forgive those that I don't associate with anymore because I no longer have to deal with them on the daily. Whereas, people that I see day in and day out don't get that free pass to FORGIVENESS.

This is soooo 6 years ago! LOL... wish I was that lean again... but the noun that represents me is still "eternal optimist".

I can't say that in all situations I'm an optimist. What is probably more accurate is that majority of the time I'll select an optimistic outlook. So PMS time for me is likely to be 'gloom & doom', 'the sky is falling', but any other time optimism reigns. Yes. That would be an accurate assessment.

The ME That Might BE

2011-02-17T07:04:00.000-10:00

CHALLENGE #3: If I could have any job in the world, what would it be?

* * * * * * * * * *

When I was little I always told people that I wanted to be a lawyer or a journalist. That's much too practical for the "me" that I am today. So I'm dedicating this post to dreaming up the "me" that might "be" in another lifetime.... or maybe THE HERE AND NOW.

I want to be a farmer!
My family is full of "green thumbs". My father is quite knowledgeable about commercial farming while my mother is steeped in family farming. Either way, they both have a deep connection to the soil that I hope to have also.

I want to be an oceanographer!
Skip the fancy title, this is the dream job for me only because of my love for the ocean. Marine life, marine plants, everything "under the sea" is so very exciting to me. Perhaps it's because my father and my uncles were avid fishermen that maybe, genetically, they passed that love of the ocean to me.

I can remember a time when I went out with my father and my uncle and some cousins. Our family style is skin-diving. That means... snorkel, face mask, fins, spear, and a t-bar or mesh bag for the catch. We left the Ka'a'awa shore at about 830 in the morning and did not return 'til late in the afternoon when the sun had already passed over the Ko'olau mountain range. We were hungry! As we sat on the shore, my uncle was the first to pick the limu (sea weed) off the rocks in the ocean and pop it in his mouth. We all followed suit. The ocean just like the land offers so much to humanity in terms of food and the environment.

I want to be a WITCH DOCTOR!
The idea of a witch doctor, for some, seems scary. I don't like the term but I think it creates an air of mystery because of the general population's association to witches. Think Salem Witch Hunts or the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz. I happen to think that 'witch doctor' is a fancy name for an herbalist-holistic-spiritual HEALER.

My grandmother on my Samoan side would have been considered by most people to be a witch doctor. She was, by far, the most gifted woman I have ever known. I wish I could have absorbed some of her great-ness. She is the reason why I want to be a HEALER.

I want to be a photographer!
Ever since I can remember I have always been fascinated by pictures. Still photos capture single moments in time. Moments that have never been and will never be again. I carry my camera with me everywhere I go. These are some of my favorite shots that I have taken in the last month or so.

My niece, Juliette. I was babysitting and let her play in the rain. Her mama was not happy when she came to pick them up. LOL... that's what Aunties are for! I love the contrasting colors in this photo.

Mena in this photo. I love the splash and the movement that I captured in this shot.

This is a picture I took at Alcatraz. Gorgeous! It was a beautiful day in the Bay.

This is one of my favorite photos from my visit to Japan.

This is another favorite photo from Japan.

This was MLK Day 2011. Gorgeous day!

Hero

2011-02-16T03:32:00.001-10:00

Challenge #2: Who is your greatest hero of all time?

* * * * * * * * * *
This question is difficult to answer unless I break down alllll my heroes into subcategories and who has the time? I could write about my parents and their unwavering love for me. I know it must have been hard since I am quite the crazy girl.... at least in their eyes. But I've written about them on several occasions on this blog. Bo-ring!

For the sake of argument (hopefully), I would like to share with you two of my Political Heroes. I really do love a good argument, the kind that are based on true personal opinions rather than regurgitated "spin" from the network news. My Political Heroes do cause quite a stir in some of the circles that I wander around in. Maybe I should stop calling it a circle and call it a BOX because so many people are stuck in the colloquial "box".

I take that back... I share my political heroes not just for the sake of argument but also to promote them. If I believe in a cause, in a thought process, in a philosophy... I should assist in advancing it.

I welcome a robust conversation in the comments section. If you agree or disagree with my opinion, I'd like to hear it. I will comment back. Please be respectful.

CURRENT EVENT HEROES: The young people of Egypt.
I am so amazed at how they have caused a REVOLUTION to come to pass in their home land. Fed up with the powers that be, they mobilized with partial support from their own government's standing military. I wish the American population were as courageous to stand up to the politicians in the White House and cause a REVOLUTION. Big ups to the young people of Egypt. They are my "current event HEROES".

If every person had enough courage to adhere to the dictates of their personal moral compass... just imagine the kind of world this would be!

PERSON IN POLITICAL OFFICE HERO: Ron Paul
He has been garnering media attention lately because he won the Presidential Straw Poll at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). Though I don't really resonate with any single label (democrat, republican, liberal, conservative, etc.), I love RON PAUL who happens to be a republican!

My love affair with Ron Paul began when I found out that he was leading a campaign to End The Fed. Currently he represents the people of Texas. He ran for the republican Presidential seat in 2008 but lost to McCain.

On several occasions I've blogged about the Federal Reserve and how they have taken over the nation. Most U.S. Citizens are so unaware of how the Federal Reserve (the people who control the nations currency) is in total opposition of the Constitution. Ron Paul seeks to restore the powers of the Constitution for the benefit of its citizens.

My journey toward finding Ron Paul occurred when I began reading The Creature from Jekyll Island. The book is fascinating and is a crash course in how the Federal Reserve was created and how they affect the economy of yesteryear as well as the modern era. From the Great Depression to the founding of social welfare to the bail outs of the Chrysler organization decades ago. It's alllll in there! YouTube has audio versions of it also. I included one here. You should really take the time to listen to it. If you are not aware of the founding of the Federal Reserve, this just might rock your political foundation.

MY POLITICAL HERO THAT HAS PASSED ON: Malcolm X
Many people have a negative association to Malcolm X. People usually think of his "by any means necessary" philosophy and categorize him as a radical militant. And maybe he was a radical militant. Radical, as a noun, is defined as a person who holds or follows strong convictions or extreme principles; extremist. A person with strong convictions may sometimes lack the courage to live them. This was not the case with Malcolm X. His Autobiography, co-written by famed author Alex Haley, is still one of my favorite books today. Though Spike Lee did an excellent job on the movie, it doesn't even come close to the spiritual revelations that Brother Malcolm experienced.

Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr. were emerging as leaders in the Black community at relatively the same time in history. While their approach and philosophy to political freedom were diametrically opposed, ultimately they desired the same thing -- to raise the standard of living for African Americans. Malcolm found his identity through the Nation of Islam (an American Islamic faction that still exists today under the direction of Louis Farrakhan).

What I love about Malcolm X philosophy is that he did not advocate assimilation or integration. He preferred that African American's be educated in their own schools, taught with their own books and their own curriculum rather than subjected to government-run "public schools" whose curriculum and books are littered with propaganda. I love that! That is one of the driving forces behind my desire to home school my children (whenever they come along). I prefer to be the person that designs the type of information that gets put into their brain. I am not bad-mouthing public education because many people flourish under its precepts. I just think there are several missing components that are left out ON PURPOSE.

Very few people are aware of the town of Greenwood, Oklahoma. It is known as The Black Wall Street. Here was a parcel of land in the Tulsa, Oklahoma area where an entire city of African-Americans, post Civil War, were flourishing. They had succeeded in stamping out the idea that former slaves and slave descendants would not amount to anything. As is the case in America, especially in the early 20th century, White mobs lynched several men and eventually burned the city to the ground. Google "Black Wall Street". You can read for yourselves.

This was a perfect example of how segregation CAN work. For me, this is the significance of my affinity for Malcolm X.

HAWAIIAN POLITICAL ACTIVISM (S)HERO(ES): The Trask Sister duo, Mililani and Haunani-Kay
Both are decorated academics in the American school system. Haunani-Kay graduated from Kamehameha and went on to receive her Bachelors, Masters, and PhD from the University of Wisconsin. Mililani also graduated from Kamehameha Schools then received her Bachelors from San Jose State University then graduated from the University of Santa Clara School of Law. This sister duo are as decorated as they come, in terms of education and academia.

What inspires me about them is that their education does not stop them from championing for na kanaka rights to self-determination. It sounds strange to a person that has never heard of self-determination however, most un-assimilated Hawaiians view our homeland as being politically occupied by the United States. Thus, we prefer that we be able to exist peacefully and determine the destiny of our homeland.

What the Neighbor Said

2011-02-15T14:49:00.001-10:00

CHALLENGE #1: Write a story from your neighbor’s perspective

* * * * * * * * * *

I wish that dog would stop barking. All day long, he barks and barks. I wonder if they feed him. And why did they name him Stony? Hmmm... makes me wonder what kind of past SHE had. I'm new to the neighborhood but I've been around long enough to know a little about HER.

A couple of years ago, SHE left Hawai'i with her husband. HER second husband, I might add. Her mom told me all about how she took off with husband #2 and eloped... didn't tell a soul about the nuptials. Wild GIRL!

Sometimes she comes out of the house half-dressed. She wears a pair of shorts with a lavalava wrapped around her chest. She does yard work like that. Hangs the laundry on the line like that. Secretly, I'm jealous that she's so free and so comfortable with her body. She really doesn't care who's looking at her. Stretch marks and all.

Her husband is African-American. I know he's not African because he definitely speaks like an American. He's a really nice guy. Her first husband was African-American also but I never met him. Obviously her preference is outside of her Polynesian heritage. Some people are just like that. They don't have any kids yet. I wonder what the hold up is.

She talks really loud and laughs really loud. When her cousin's from down the road come over and they're all together -- the loud laughter is sometimes unbearable. I mean it is really loud. But laughter usually means happiness so I guess it's okay.

They just started a garden and they have the long squash vine crawling along their wall. It's so pretty. I love to see fresh produce growing. They have a Hawaiian lemon tree growing also. It never seems to run out of fruit except for maybe 2 months out of the year. They also have strawberries crawling on the ground, cherry tomatoes, several banana trees. That is one of the great things of living in the tropic region.

NEW Blog Challenge

2011-02-06T00:54:00.000-10:00

I love a good blog challenge. I didn't finish the last blog challenge I started mostly because there were duplicates... and that gets wayyyy boring!! Hopefull this will perk up my "LACK OF" inspiration.

Thank you to a dear sista for extending the challenge to me. I hope any or all readers take on some of the topics. It would be so fun to read!

Bring it on! One at a time would have been nice.

Write a story from your neighbor’s perspective
Who is your greatest hero of all time?
If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or something else?
If you had your own reality show, what would it be called? What would it be about? Who would the main characters be?
What’s one piece of technology you can’t live without?
What’s going on in your life right now that’s driving you nuts?
If you could live forever, would you? Why or why not?
If stranded on a desert island, and could only bring one music album with you, which would it be? What is it about this music that never gets old for you?
Who are the three funniest people in the world? Who are the three funniest people you know personally?
What’s your idea for a perfect Sunday? How would it differ from a typical Sunday? If it’s Sunday where you are, what kind of day is it so far?
What is your favorite sound?
What are three things you can do to be a better friend to the people in your life?
How do you define the word friend?
Is it always better to know the truth, even when it hurts?
Describe what your laugh sounds like.
What’s the single most important thing you accomplished in 2010? And how do you plan to top it in 2011

Well, good luck everyone. I look forward to reading all of your responses.

Have a great day!

* * * * * * * * * *

**Cartoon credit

RECIPE: Oatcake (My Copycat)

2011-02-04T22:31:00.001-10:00

I have been a fan of the Oatcake for a very long time... well, at least the Oatcakes that are served at most Starbucks Coffee Houses on O'ahu. They are the most delicious and filling pastry that I have ever had for breakfast. This is my recipe that I came up with that comes pretty close to my coffee house fave.

1-1/2 CUP Whole Wheat Flour
1/2 CUP All-Purpose Flour
1 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp salt
----
1 CUP warm water
1 CUP Blueberries (frozen is fine just be sure to thaw it; you can also use dried or fresh)
----
4 CUP oats
1 CUP dried, sweetened cranberries
1/2 CUP raisins
1/2 CUP blueberries
1/2 CUP applesauce
1/2 CUP oil
1/2 CUP brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
3 eggs
----

DIRECTIONS:

**PREHEAT OVEN TO 350 degrees**

1. Sift together dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt). You can play with the combination of whole wheat and all-purpose flour until you get the right consistency. You can even go all whole wheat if that is what you prefer although it does tend to get really dry. If you go all white flour, this oatcake will quickly turn into a scone. I plan to experiment with other types of flour like soy or rice for a lower-gluten version.

2. Blend together the warm water and blueberries. Blending makes a difference. I think it's what gives the Starbucks Oatcake its distinct color. In the picture I posted, I DID NOT blend the blueberry thus... the cake looks brown. However, in earlier experiments with the recipe, I did blend and it does make allll the difference. Today I was just lady to get out the blender then have to clean it. :-(

3. In a separate bowl, mix the remainder of the ingredients (Oats, fruits, oil, applesauce, eggs, brown sugar, eggs, vanilla). Applesauce can be substituted for the oil to make this healthier fare but I found that all applesauce is too dry. The oil makes a big difference for me. You can play with the combination of oil to applesauce but make sure that you keep it at 1 cup. For instance, you can change the recipe to be 3/4 cup applesauce and 1/4 cup oil. That's actually going to be my next experiment and I will use extra virgin, cold pressed coconut oil instead of vegetable oil.

4. Add blueberry/water mixture to the oats mixture. Stir well before adding the flour.

5. Fold in the dry ingredients, one cup at a time. Once you add the flour, do not overwork it. I usually stir the mixture about 10 times to incorporate the flour into the wet ingredients and thats it. Overworking the flour will cause it to be TOUGH and too chewy. I like the texture to be crumbly.

6. Prepare 9x13 pan with Pam or a muffin tin -- whatever you prefer. I have not experimented with a muffin tin so you have to be careful with the cooking time. Keep an eye on it.

7. In a 9x13 pan -- bake for 25-30 minutes. If you use a muffin tin -- you're on your own. :-)

Happy Baking!

Lack of...

2011-01-31T02:18:00.000-10:00

I have been feeling thoroughly uninspired lately. I am not quite sure how to keep creative juices flowing but it seems to allude me on occasion.

I'm interested to know what you do to get the creative juices flowing?

Music Musings

2011-01-22T01:58:00.001-10:00

It's been awhile since I've listened to music. I've been totally uninterested since probably about 2005'ish. I am wholly disappointed with the direction of music. The REAL STUFF is hidden somewhere in obscure bars or around the kava bowl. I just know that it is definitely NOT in the mainstream. I crave hearing sincerity in a song and beautiful lyrics.

When I was in high school, most nights I would end by popping in my favorite slow jam cassette (Yes! I said CASSETTE. lol) or tune in to Love Songs on KRTR while I write in my journal. It was always a perfect way to unwind and review the day and think through the things that were going on in my life at the time. Most times now, the only time I write in my journal is at church and I do a quick review of the week. Last night I brought back the slow jams and journal writing. It was a wonderful thing.

Some of the songs that played on my iTunes playlist brought back some serious memories. I remember how I felt when I first heard the song and who I was crushing on at the time. It felt really good and made me think of the current state of music. I am utterly disappointed by the amount of trash on the radio. Real artists that actually have something to say have all but faded from the music scene. John Lennon had something to say that had nothing to do with war. Bob Marley had a cause and garnered attention from the entire world because of his vision of peaceful existence. Jimi Hendrix. Michael Jackson. Tupac. Artists with a message rarely live to tell the entire story. I wonder what they'd have to say if they were here today.

"All we are saying is GIVE PEACE A CHANCE!"
~John Lennon

"Get up, Stand up.
Stand up for your rights!"
~Bob Marley

"The power of love OVERCOMES the love of power."
~Jimi Hendrix

"In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe."
~Michael Jackson

"Why am I fighting to live, if I'm just living to fight
Why am I trying to see, when there aint nothing in sight
Why am I trying to give, when no one gives me a try
Why am I dying to live, if I'm just living to die?"
~Tupac

Timeless messages never go out of style. They seem to apply across creed and race barriers. They extend beyond class and station in life. Wish there was a music messenger out there right now. Someone that could incite me to think beyond sex, drugs, and alcohol. I've tried listening to Country but it gets a little depressing and monotone. I love Classical on occasion. Gospel does well too. Jazz is great. Island music is awesome but limited. I love music from like Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Maroon 5 (what genre is that?). I even love Reggae but my heart is in R&B... and R&B has left me utterly DISAPPOINTED.

**heavy sigh**

Photo Blog: MLK Day 2011

2011-01-18T02:04:00.002-10:00

Martin Luther King Day is usually spent at the beach for our family. I LOVE IT! I'm so glad to be home and I have access to my favorite beach in the whole wide world.

Writing in the sand.

Should I get in the water? Hmmm....

All the sand in the world...

It was truly a gorgeous day! Clouds streaking the sky, waves, and sunshine!

Heading home... the sun is setting.

Exhausted

2011-01-14T11:07:00.000-10:00

I.AM.EXHAUSTED.

Serious...

I am super tired from the INSANITY workouts. It's one of the best investments I ever made in relation to my health. I am right on track, having completed my 11th workout. Sunday is the only day we take off and it's incorporated into the workout calendar. Last week's weigh-in had me losing 4LBS. I don't know how I'm doing this week. I hopped on the scale this morning and was not pleased. Maybe I'm retaining water???

Don't think I'm neglecting the blog. I'm just SUPER TIRED!!

FB Thread: Congresswoman Shooting

2011-01-08T13:46:00.003-10:00

HUSBANDS FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE:

condolences to the congresswoman that was shot, but the reality is that people are getting fed up with the government and the unseen erosions of our freedoms and dignity as Americans by this very government. Deep down, I believe we all can see the honesty in that.

1st RESPONSE

some may be able to see honesty in that, (husband's name removed), but at no time should someone pick up a gun and shoot an elected official over it. that's not democracy; that's bullying.

2nd RESPONSE

Very upset right now...

3rd RESPONSE

People of all views have the right to be upset over so many things, but no one has the right to handle things by shooting others over political issues. If a majority felt like this guy, she would have lost the election. I haven't liked a ...lot of politics since 9/11, but I never wanted to shoot anyone. I did want to challenge a former representative to compare our military records when he said people who didn't support invading Iraq were unpatriotic and hated America, but I think he must not have gotten my email because no one responded.

MY RESPONSE

americans have been lulled into an apathetic coma OR a frenzied fear. both instances are very dangerous. democracy is not exactly my cup o' tea because it's very "lynch party'ish" -- majority rules and that is not necessarily the best thing, in my opinion.

ideally, a citizen should NEVER feel helpless in the face of increasing legislation and laws. the last i checked none of these new laws, including the patriot act, has reduced crime. go figure -- with the privatization of the jail systems, government and corporations NEED criminals/product for their industry to survive. anyway -- i'm afraid that these types of instances will increase until the government realllllly hears the people. the american revolution was NOT violence-free.

REVOLUTION!! BRING ON THE WILD, WILD WEST!! citizens should be as armed as the criminals are.

Wikileaks, Love Revolution, Hawai'i Media

2011-01-07T22:57:00.003-10:00

Wikileaks is now available HERE!

I watched Video: Collateral Murder and was not surprised at the arrogance exhibited by U.S. Soldiers in Iraq. Though I have many soldier friends and soldier family members, I have NEVER supported this war. I will NEVER support senseless violence, ever!

Imagine if a foreign army came to our shore and drove around on our streets in their tanks, their military helicopters, armed soldiers on the streets, shake down of men congregated together, shake down of religious sanctuaries, you get the picture! Imagine that.

Revolution!

In this world, love is the REVOLUTION!

Don't believe what you see and hear on the network news. This country has not had an independent media in a very long time. I tend to tune into the Public Access stations for information. Our small little state, here in Hawai'i, has the largest set of Public Access stations behind New York City. That is quite a feat for our small state and we should preserve this special privilege.

Anyway.......

Within the past year or two, Hawai'i consolidated its news sources. Of course, this was strategically executed and positioned during an economic downturn thus blaming the economy for "mergers". The Honolulu Advertiser and The Star Bulletin were separate newspapers but have been consolidated.

KITV - Hawai'is ABC affiliate is owned and operated by Hearst-Argyle, an organization that operates in 25+ markets throughout the country. Cities like Sacramento, CA - Pittsburgh - Kansas City - and a host of other cities.

Three different stations KHNL (NBC Affiliate), KGMB (CBS Affiliate), and KFVE are owned by Raycom Media Inc, an organization that operates in 35 markets throughout the country.

I discuss these issues with anyone who is bold enough to ask my opinion. I say BOLD only because I am quite fixed on some of my opinions and have a wealth of information that feeds my opinion. However, I am still quite open to new information.

Consolidation of the media in alignment with other cities is a subtle tool for mind control. For me it's not that subtle but for most people the television is a harmless appliance. I think that the consolidation and mergers of the media force feeds all viewers, on a mass/ national scale, the same information. It slowly conditions all viewers how to think based on what is televised. Eventually, nothing will shock, nothing will surprise, and Americans will continue to be lulled into an apathetic coma or a frenzied fear. We're already there.

So what do we do about it?

Linked Up: My Calorie Counter

2011-01-05T12:04:00.000-10:00

I just completed day 4 of the Insanity workout. Cardio Recovery. Awesome!!

I found this website that is similar to Weight Watchers Online. The difference is... this site is FREE!!!

My Calorie Counter

The new year has begun and I really need to drop the pounds. As I age I am more and more aware of how my body is changing. I'm not young and spry like I used to be. My knees are beginning to ache so I know the extra pounds are taking a toll on my body and fat people just don't live very long. Also, there is history of stroke and diabetes on one side of the family so being obese will only lead to that. I want to live a long and healthy life and not repeat the cycle.

A distant cousin of mine had the Gastric Bypass surgery done in September. She has documented her journey on her youtube channel. I will not post her website to preserve her privacy but she is such an inspiration to me. Other friends have also done some type of surgery to assist in weight loss. Another cousin did the lap band. They all look really good but I am challenging myself to do it naturally so that it will truly become a healthy lifestyle. How can I teach the next generation if I don't know how to do it on my own?

Anyway, this blog is quickly turning into a Weight Loss blog. I promise to return to normal speech soon. LOL.... **raising my glass of water** Here's to achieving a healthy lifestyle!!

Day 20: This Month

2011-01-04T11:23:00.000-10:00

I started this blog challenge in September so I have failed miserably because here we are in January and I am still attempting to finish this challenge. What can I say about this month?

The only thing I associate January with is my first marriage. Today, January 4th, marked the day I married my ex. That all ended in 2003 -- his choice. I'm glad it all happened. What a wonderful journey my life has been so far even with all the heartache. I have learned so much from all of it.

I remember when I was getting ready to get married the first time. The night before the wedding, my maid of honor (Tasi Fiso), the best man, and me and the groom took off to Wal-Mart at like 1 in the morning. We laughed and laughed and pretended like we didn't have to be up early. **sigh** I think we watched the sun rise and made our way back to Hau'ula. Why was I in such a rush to be married? I don't know.

Then came the wedding. It was scheduled for 3pm. At about 10am that morning it started raining cats and dogs. Uncle Cy Bridges married us and I remember him saying something to the effect that rain signified abundance. Well, the rain kept on until well after the ceremony. The reception was at BYU Ballroom @ 5pm. I don't remember what I ate but the groom and I had been drinking so it didn't really matter... we were feeling good. The entertainment was tooooo much fun. The Fonoimoana's put on a great show.

What I have to say about weddings is that they are so over rated... hindsight, of course. This particular wedding was such a waste. If I could do it over, I would have gone with an intimate ceremony. Small wedding.

New Year, Same Resolution: Weight Loss

2011-01-04T00:42:00.003-10:00

It's 2011. I'm sure all the blogs are talking about their personal resolutions. Why would mine be different? Weight Loss is the topic of choice. It seems to be my goal every month, every year... every day I resolve to make better eating choices and exercise more. How is it that I have such a battle with being fit?

I took some simple measurements today to mark the beginning of my progress. The numbers don't scare me like they used to and I'm not embarrassed to put it out into the universe because these numbers ARE NOT me! They are not a reflection of who I want to be. I thought I did a video but husband did not hit the RECORD button. Irritating! Nevertheless... here are my numbers... video to follow tomorrow.

Dress Size: 20W
Starting Weight: 263.6 pounds
Waist measurement at the navel: 45"
Neck: 19 1/2"
Thigh: 28 1/4"

Husband and I did the fitness test as part of the Insanity exercise system. (I bought a burned copy off craigslist.) I did pretty good.

My goal weight is 200 pounds and a size 10/12. I would like to reach this by the end of April 2011. Doable? Totally!!!

Sun Setting on 2010

2010-12-31T23:09:00.000-10:00

I see skies of blue and clouds of white

The bright blessed day, dark sacred night

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world

A Farewell

2010-12-29T10:59:00.000-10:00

Dear Nani,

Today you will don some angel wings, cast off your physical body, and take off into the great unknown. I'm so happy to have known you and to have shared this earthly existence together as 1st cousins. After such a long struggle, your battle with cancer is done and you can take to the skies.

Give our grandmother and grandfather a great big hug for me. I look forward to the day that I will see you again in immortal perfection and having achieved the full measure of your creation.

I love you Zanetta and wish you peace on your journey and a fullness of joy.

With All My Love,
Your Cousin!

Me in the bottom left corner, she in the top-right corner.

Day 19: Something I Regret

2010-12-16T23:22:00.002-10:00

I think most people have a laundry list of regrets. As I age (mature) I seem to let go of regret and embrace the idea that the path I have chosen is exactly the path I should be on. There is, essentially, no room for regret. There's no room for shoulda-woulda-coulda. But if I had to... if I JUST HAD TO list my regrets...

I wish I went on an LDS Mission. Hindsight though, that would have significantly changed the direction of my life. Who knows where I'd be right now?
The first marriage was such a waste of "the prime" of my life. I'm not saying that it's been all downhill since my 20's but, boy the things I could have done with my life within the 6 year span of my first marriage. Most of it was spent apart from then hubby. What a waste!! Actually, I learned a whole lot from the experience and I think it has made me a better spouse, a better ME for ME.
I wish I had gotten over my feelings of insecurity during high school. I look back and wonder why I had such a difficult time dealing with my teenage self-image. I'm supposing that many people experienced the same kind of awkwardness but still... why? I am very glad that I came out of it relatively unscathed. The teenage years can be brutal sometimes.
I wish I spent more time with my grandmothers while they were here on the earth. So much knowledge left the earth when they passed. There are so many questions I wish I had asked. If I could do it all over again, I definitely pay more attention!
I don't know if this is a regret but... If I could, I would relive/ re-do my senior prom. There was a world of drama surrounding the senior prom and it had mostly to do with the person that was in charge of transportation. She basically fell through. I was crushed. We're supposed to be at the Laie Temple for the picture-taking tradition @ 4pm. There we are in Waikiki at 2pm, still without a car (girlfriend said her aunt was going to rent the car for us). **heavy sigh**

I was ready to cry. Girlfriend was sooooo upset with her aunt because she left us without any options. I phoned my mother from the hotel, telling her that we had no ride to the prom. She told me not to worry. Telling a teenager not to worry is uhhh... POINTLESS!

As we're sitting in traffic, heading home to get ready for the prom that we had no ride for, I look up and see my dad driving his tour bus on Kapahulu Ave. I'm tearing up just remembering my feelings when I seen him. I said, "Dad, we have no car for the prom." He shrugs his shoulders and tells me, very calmly, to get home quickly and get ready. Like the SUPERHERO that my father is, just as I'm done getting ready, he pulls up in a Blue Lincoln Continental rental car. Needless to say, by the time my friends and I got to the Temple, it was dark and everyone was gone. So yeah, senior prom could have been a whole lot better.
MY BIGGEST REGRET: I was very cruel to a girl named Jennifer Mackey when we were in the 3rd Grade. If I could, I would apologize to her and plead for forgiveness. I've looked her up on FaceBook and google'd her a couple of times but have yielded no results. I am truly sorry Jennifer for all the mean things I have done to you.

That last regret... still messes with me. I could never dream of being that mean to anyone. I can't even disclose the cruelty. The people who were there to witness it -- they know. In fact, when I get together with those girls from elementary they all remember her. I still remember what she looks like or at least what she looked like then. Karma has a funny way of creeping into the present day. "Sins" of the past always seem to find the offender.

Day 18: My Favorite Birthday

2010-12-15T11:22:00.000-10:00

The more I age, the more I feel like my birthday is just another day. Not that I feel that my life is not worth celebrating but more that I don't wait for my birthday to do something nice. I feel like life should be lived every single day like it's the last moment. When I take that approach to life, I find that the little things don't seem to bother me as much -- like how my husband removes his dirty socks and leaves it in the middle of the room. I wish I could have practiced that type of mindset when I was going through all those changes that my husband was putting me through. But I digress.

I don't think I have a favorite birthday. I can say that I remember most of the parties I've had though. If I did have to choose just one though, it would probably be my 16th birthday. August 4th, 1991. I didn't have a huge birthday party. In fact, that year I didn't have a party at all. Summertime birthdays can be the pits since a lot of the time none of my friends ever remembered it. At least in high school, that's how it was. My mother let me sleep in that day. That was a rare occasion. She NEVER let me sleep in. I always had some chore to tend to whether it was making breakfast for my grandmothers or cleaning some part of the house, my mother had tons of chores for me to do.

Anyway -- by noon of my 16th birthday I had managed to get the keys to my mother's van as well as permission to go to the mall -- all by myself. Since I live way out in the country, going to the mall with the family car, all by myself was HUGE! I felt so independent. They gave me a hundred dollars and said I could do whatever I wanted with it. I ended up at Pearlridge Mall which is about an hour away from home. I bought a poster of L.L. Cool J (major crush)!! I bought Gladys Knight's Greatest Hits CD and called it day. What I loved the most is the freedom and the independence. I felt so very free!

That started the trend, for me, of treating myself on my birthday. Sometimes. Most times. I prefer to do absolutely nothing on my birthday. Social ties usually do not allow for it thus... I have a birth-week rather than a birth-day. This past birthday is an example of a birth-week.

So like I said... as I age... I don't wait for my birthday to treat myself. I do what I want, whenever I want because I deserve it. So do you!

My Japan in PICTURES

2010-12-13T11:05:00.001-10:00

The Rail Map... could not figure this one out. Husband spoke to the woman at the desk and said, "Tokyo". She came out, led us to the electronic machine. Put our money in it and placed us on our path. Domo Arigato!

Love all the buildings and lights in Shibuya.

Gorgeous!

I just love how everything looks. I wonder if these balls of light are traditional?!

Husband bout to get his eat on. This is the best tonkatsu I have ever eaten. Yumm!!

Me on the free shuttle. So grateful for the shuttles everywhere!

I think this is my favorite shot of all the pictures I took in Shibuya. I think it's the almost monotone quality of this picture.

Awesome!

Shibuya's crazy center square. All intersections -- red light and all pedestrians get the green light.

Love the colorful vending machines everwhere!

Traditional peoples in the middle of Shibuya! Oxymoron.

More of the lights.

Everything is so colorful in Japan.

I love to see all the characters around town.

Day 1: Narita, Japan

2010-12-11T13:40:00.001-10:00

Arrived in Narita, Japan on Saturday afternoon. We left early Friday morning so we sacrificed an entire day because of the time zone changes. The good thing is that when we leave here on Monday, 730PM, we arrive in Honolulu on Monday, 630AM. Isn't that funny?! So, we get two Mondays.

First, let me comment on the flight to Japan. Husband and I copped seats in Business Elite. That is NOT First Class. It's better than First Class on Domestic Flights. Here are all the reasons:

The seats lay flat. Yes -- I repeat -- the seats lay flat and extends out from beneath to support your legs.
All movies, games, and music are on-demand
Delta provides you with slippers to wear, noise-cancelling ear phones, a small toiletries bag, a standard size, down feather pillow, and a full-size comforter.
They served two full meals with real silverware and glassware.
The first meal was complete with an appetizers course, main course, and a dessert course
The second meal was a "pre-arrival" meal. It was breakfast. A very delicious breakfast.

Nearly everything here is done in Japanese and English (at least at the airport and the hotel shuttle). The language barrier is not too harsh. I wish I could post the pictures I took with my Blackberry but I'm not paying the international roaming charges on my phone.

Tomorrow, I will definitely have my camera to capture all the beauty that I will find in Narita and Tokyo. I will post a few here and the bulk of it on Facebook.

The hotel we're at is OUTSTANDING and great for the price we got it for. The universe is truly abundant!

Envision Laie.... Running Out of Inventory

2010-12-09T11:50:00.026-10:00

I've been putting off doing this post for a couple days because it takes so much energy for me to "gather" my thoughts. This is my personal opinion and not a personal attack on your opinion. Agreed? That means that I'm not criticizing your opinion so don't take it personal!

December 7th, Helbert Hastert & Fee Planners (on behalf of the City & County of Honolulu) held a meeting at Kahuku High School and opened the forum up to the public for commentary on the proposed Envision Laie expansion. I haven't put a great deal of time into researching Envision Laie specifically. I don't think a person really needs to do the in depth research to oppose it. In the opposite direction, if you did do the in depth research to find a reason to support it, I think you'd find that there's no basis for supporting it.

Let me set up what I think are pertinent facts to the ongoing controversy.

The current plan for Ko'olau Loa (pdf document of the actual plan) does not include expansion of Malaekahana.
Hawaii Reserves Inc. (HRI) manages property for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which means all of La'ie.
In 2003, HRI purchased Malaekahana and began the planning process for "Envision Laie".

The current City and County of Honolulu sustainability plan for Ko'olau Loa wishes to preserve the agriculture land and preservations land. In fact, it seeks to develop agriculture rather than build houses.

There are several guidelines that must be followed when dealing with the City and County of Honolulu and other governmental agencies. There are specific procedures in place. In the case of Envision Laie's proposed expansion of La'ie, their proposal was never a part of the City's plan. Envision Laie is seeking to extend the deadline for proposed changes to the City plan and eventually amend the City plan to include the expansion of La'ie. A good example of a well-executed City plan is Kapolei whose proposed development was many decades in the making.

The meeting held on December 7th was just one in a series of several public opinion meetings. SIDENOTE: I must say that I am grateful that my community is so passionate about the future of our ahupua'a. Every single meeting I have attended in regards to this issue has been standing-room-only. At the heart of the argument is HRI is petitioning the City to first, convert ag land into residential. Second, "permit" them to begin construction (by amending the City plan). The opposition prefers that the City maintain its current stance of preserving ag land.

HRI and Envision Laie was very clever in that they hired a mainland marketing firm (rather than an economic development firm) to push forward their development plan. Several sources point out this fact. I think it is a valid point to consider in determining an opinion on the issues.

Some of the points I have gathered from sitting in on several of the Envision Laie meetings are as follows:

Proposed construction of over a thousand new homes and condo's
Proposed new shopping center
Expansion of BYU-HAWAII
Full expansion of Turtle Bay that was previously struck from the City plan based on community opposition

I don't know why La'ie community members are enamored with this plan. What is attractive about more houses and more hotels? At the meeting, I was so taken aback by the community members who support Envision Laie. They did not give me one valid reason for the expansion. Many testified that they wanted this to go through for their kids. What exactly does that mean? Many said that additional housing is moving toward sustainability. Last I checked, houses can't be eaten. BYU students testified that they didn't have anywhere to live. Fluff!

I really could go on and on about this topic and maybe I will revisit it in the future. For me, HRI/ Envision Laie cares only for the interests of the LDS Church. (Yes, I am LDS and No, I don't have to follow blindly.) It is HRI's right to protect their interests. I just get all irritated with community members who have effectively been "sold" the plan without really truly thinking about how sustainable the plan is or isn't. Most supporters like the idea of "affordable" housing. A thousand homes will go very fast. Then what? What will be the next proposal? Will it still be "affordable" after the inventory is gone? How does HRI plan to impose a measure where 50% of the homes will go to community members? Isn't housing discrimination illegal?

I am just NOT SOLD on this plan and I haven't even touched on the economics of Envision Laie or the imposition of colonial practices onto the host culture of these islands. Maybe that will be another post. I just can't see the long term benefit of the development of La'ie.

Sources:

Photo: http://apdl.kcc.hawaii.edu/~oahu/stories/koolauloa/index.htm

http://honoluludpp.org/PermitInfo/

http://www.hhf.com/

http://www.hawaiireserves.com/about_links.htm

http://kaaawa.net/

December Arrives Too Fast

2010-12-06T13:12:00.001-10:00

I can't believe it's December. So fast!

Beijing, China trip is postponed due to poor planning. Charge it to my inexperience with international travel. I totally blanked on applying for a tourist VISA. Stupid!! Bummers. Oh well -- We'll probably go somewhere in Asia just to snap some shots, visit a Buddhist Monastery or something.

I have been so busy doing something or nothing -- they both run into each other so often. I really need to catch up on all the things that are going on in my head. Time. Where does it all go?

Planning China

2010-11-26T13:36:00.042-10:00

I'm planning my first trip to Beijing. I don't know how long I've been talking about seeing and hiking The Great Wall of China but the opportunity has presented itself. I made a list of some of the "adventures" I have yet to do in a previous entry. Hiking the Great Wall was one of them. You can take para-sailing off the list because I took care of that in August. The butterflies are already building. I am super excited!

Husband and I are thinking that we're going to spend two days there. Day one will be spent at Yaxiu Market. Thanks to my cousin, Jared, who went to Beijing earlier this month I know where the best shopping can be found. He told me to start in the basement of Yaxiu Market and buy some suitcases then work my way up and fill the suitcases. The Market boasts on-site tailor's to whip up an outfit and floors of bargains. Husband and I have set a budget of $300 to spend there. According to cousin, $150 went very, very far so we'll see what we can get for double that. This is our Christmas Shopping! I'm totally excited to be able to combine my Christmas Shopping with travel. **Smiles**

Day two will be total sight-seeing. We will hit The Great Wall in the early morning (even if the temps are super freezing, as it is now) then maybe The Forbidden City, Temple of Heaven, and Tian'anmen Square in the afternoon. I'm presuming that everything will be very quick since these attractions are all outdoor and it's FREEZING. I know how I get in the cold. CRANKY!!! I'm thinking I should go hunt down a pair of ugg boots to keep my toes warm. I got rid of all my winter gear when I left the mainland. Part of the reason for Day One being shopping is so that I can at least get a warm coat for the outdoor sightseeing. I'm not banking on them having boots in my size. Not in China! I think they would faint if they seen my feet. China is the nation that once practiced footbinding. Would these people even believe that I'm Chinese with my very large body frame and feet?!!! hahahahaha

Sidenote: In Alabama, my favorite Chinese restaurant is Tai, in the city of Madison. Tai is the surname of my great-grandfather on my father's side. He was pure Chinese and married my great-grandmother who was pure Hawaiian. The owner spoke to me after our meal and was impressed with the way I order my food, my selection of food, and how I eat with chopsticks. He said it is "very Chinese". I think about that interaction often. I requested that my rice be served in a rice bowl, separate. I asked for a steamed vegetable since it wasn't on the menu. The waiter asked the cook what could be done and they informed him that they would kindly oblige. When the meal was served. I had my bowl of rice, a generous helping of steamed/ stir-fry pak choi, and ginger chicken. On the mainland, it is assumed that everyone eats with a fork. The waiter almost fell over when I requested chopsticks. The owner -- dazzled by my chopstick skills. I tell this story only to illustrate what might have inadvertently been passed down through the generations. Maybe my "very Chinese" way of eating is genetic. **laughing**

December seems like the best time to travel because it is the off season in China. It will be bitter cold (hate it) but I know I'm coming home to the beautiful tropics so I think I can bear it for a couple of days. I'm thinking that we'll stay at the Marriott there. It's near downtown Beijing and the subway. I'm so excited.

I'm trying to avoid having to hire a private car and tour guide. My cousin said he hired one and it ran about $215. That seems like a small price for excellent services but husband and I are not "balling" like that yet so we're on a tight budget. Our day trip to San Francisco last week went just fine using public transportation. I'm assuming it will be fine in Beijing as well. The olympics was just there so I know they had to make everything user-friendly for speakers of all languages. I find comfort in that.

If you have travelled to Beijing, what are some tips I should keep in mind?

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Photo Credit

The Epiphany

2010-11-23T11:52:00.002-10:00

Choosing a disciplined life has its perks and the flip side is fraught with temptation and difficult choices. Having lived a portion of my life following the path of hedonism, sometimes I miss the life I left behind... the carefree-ness of everything carnal. Alcohol was a favorite of mine. Slushy, yummy drinks, and an entire segment of nightlife suddenly open to me again -- the thought was/is alluring. I have spent many weekends in the last couple of months wholly preoccupied with the idea of indulging.

Then something happened this weekend; something so simple, so quiet, so peaceful, something I'm not sure I was really looking for. It was a revelation! An epiphany.

Nothing is ever coincidence. I'm absolutely sure of that. Every random act is not random at all but are necessary events to help me reach my potential. So as I sat in the 3PM session of the Laie Hawaii Temple Rededication on Sunday -- a session that I hadn't planned on attending because I had made other plans -- found myself contemplating how husband and I had suddenly obtained tickets.

The Creator knows me. He knows my heart and my desire to be better than I am today. He knows my struggle and my battle with my previous lifestyle. One of the speakers expressed,

OBEDIENCE IS THE KEY TO TRUE FREEDOM!

That simple phrase caused the wheels in my head to start turning and I found myself understanding my struggle and seeing it for what it really is. It's like a "lightbulb went on". (Thank you Mrs. Leger for using that phrase in the comment section. It's so appropriate!)

The epiphany: I have been alcohol/drug/tobacco-free for five years. I have been blessed for eliminating those particular things that don't serve me. I have conquered it. Why would I turn back?

Immediately, all my desire to return to my former life left me. I'm grateful for an all-knowing CREATOR who is so mindful of all my needs.

Somber

2010-11-22T12:38:00.000-10:00

Today has been such a somber day.

I woke up this morning with a heavy feeling in my heart. I thought it was the weather. I thought it was because I didn't sleep well. I thought it was because I stayed up late watching chick flicks. I thought I was crashing from experiencing such a natural high with the glorious events over the weekend.

Husband woke to get his exercise on and to motivate me to do the same. I opted to keep sleeping. I wish I had gone though because exercise always elevates my mood. And if anyone's asking... "YES - that is my husband that runs to Kakela and back in Hau'ula." I can't even hang with him when he runs. But that's all besides the point.

A little after 10AM my little brother calls and drops the saddest news ever. His team mate, classmate, and friend DeeDee ended his life. I don't know the particulars of the event except that it happened. I feel for my little brother (the same brother who broke my heart a couple weeks ago), for his classmates, and for everyone that is connected to this tragic event. I think of my dear friend Uila, whom DeeDee lived with at the time of his passing. I am just overwhelmed with emotion.

What kind of comfort can be extended when a life is taken so soon? There is no solace except in the belief in the eternities and that our souls continue to exist beyond this mortal plane. Today is also my cousin's birthday. Were he still alive, he would have been 32 today. Today was just bad, bad, bad. Rest in Eternal Love, DeeDee. I don't know what would drive you to such an intense decision. I am left with ONLY QUESTIONS.

Weekend Slideshow

2010-11-21T13:13:00.000-10:00

This past weekend has been a whirlwind of excitement.

After many, many hours of rehearsals, hundreds or maybe thousands of youth converged on La'ie, O'ahu, Hawai'i. What a sight to see... so many young people ANXIOUSLY ENGAGED in a good cause. The mana in the air was absolutely intoxicating and overwhelming. It has truly been an outstanding weekend. Mahalo ke akua!

Day 17: My Favorite Memory

2010-11-18T03:00:00.064-10:00

Often, I feel like I've lived many lifetimes on end and yet I still feel like a little girl -- curious, ever curious... desiring new experiences. To place value on just one memory and call it "my favorite" is difficult.

I cherish that span of time when I first laid eyes on my husband and how we fell in love. I often talk about my private love affair with my husband. I call it private only because no one knew who he was until we had been married over a year. As of this past Sunday, it's now been seven years and I still remember the exhiliration of brand new love. There's nothing like it.

"Hey beautiful!" That's what he said to me when I drove up. I melted. He has that effect on me STILL.

I made myself totally available to him. I literally cleared the calendar. I remember being on a date with a guy. It was a lunch date. As soon as husband (just a "friend" back then) called, I abruptly left the lunch date claiming there was an emergency at work. I always had butterflies in my belly whenever I thought of being near him. It was... EXCITING... EXHILARATING... INTOXICATING. A person has never truly lived until they have fallen madly in love.

In contrast, my ex-husband used to tell me that he had never fallen love; that falling in love implied that he lost control thus he was resigned to say that he had never nor will he ever fall in love. He claimed that he chose to love someone rather than falling TRULY.MADLY.DEEPLY. I used to think he was so wise when he said that. Hindsight, I have realized that what I thought was wisdom was just the ramblings of a bitter, old man; jaded by previous relationships.

At the end of The Last Dragon, after Bruce Leroy has achieved the glow and overcome the Shogun of Harlem, Vanity appears in her DJ booth looking utterly defeated because Bruce Leroy is absent from the dance. She scans the room then suddenly the charisma of Bruce Leroy commands her attention and he appears from behind the billowy curtains. Suddenly, her pout turns to butterflies right before the camera's lense. Her eyes begin to sparkle and she extends herself over the balcony, attempting to hear what Bruce is shouting at her. The dance music comes to an abrupt end and Bruce is yelling at Vanity, "Can you teach me some moves?" The entire dance crowd laughs. Vanity runs down to meet Bruce and one of the greatest love songs ever made ques in and gives us beautiful lyrics about how it feels to fall in love.

How you please me

I think that this might be what I've been dreaming of

I don't know what it is but people call it love
I wonder if they really know
Did you do this just to please me?
I never thought that anything could feel so good
I guess I wasted lots of time
But if I could, I'd spend it all again with you

I love you (Love you)
For all the ways you taught me how to please myself
For all the ways you made it clear
That no one else
Can touch me quite the way you do

It's like MY FIRST TIME ON A FERRIS WHEEL
The view from up here is so clear and real
The sense of falling fast is all that I can feel
And yet I want to keep on flying

Day 16: My First Kiss

2010-11-17T13:21:00.024-10:00

I wish I could say it was a fantastic experience but it wasn't.

The movies I watched as a child had me thinking that my first kiss was going to be a fantastic coming-of-age experience. I wanted it to be like on the Goonies ...Brandon and Andi's KISSING SCENE in the cave... it was very teen-agery with just enough chemistry; and for sheltered children like me it was still on the edge of what my mother would deem appropriate.

I wanted my first kiss to be preceded by a dramatic and funny moment like on Pretty in Pink when Duckie arrives at the prom. All through Pretty In Pink, we know Duckie is hopelessly in love with Andie. (I've mentioned two girl Andies in this post. Of all the many names in the world, how is it that two 80's movies selected the same masculine girl name?) I swooned over Duckie's devotion to Andie and his quirkyness was endearing. I wanted the first guy I kissed to be head-over-heels for me and not think of me as just-a-girl-to-kiss. The way it all went down... I was just another girl to kiss.

The real romance I desired was going to be something like what happened between Baby and Johnny on Dirty Dancing. Young girl meets older, sophisticated man. Classic! It was short lived and packed full of exciting new experiences for Baby. It was magic and the on-screen chemistry was thick! I had to sneak to watch this movie because it was totally inappropriate for my pre-teen eyeballs according to my mother. I think my cousin Leone knew someone who had the VHS tape and we got our hands on it at camp when all the adults had drifted off to sleep. All of us girls sat around and watched it in the wee hours of the morning. With all the access children have nowadays to allllll the trash in the world, I can't imagine what kids are sneaking to look at nowadays. **shrugs**

**heavy sigh**

My first kiss happened at Hukilau Beach after a football game. I had just turned 17 that summer and was unkissed. Some friends were building a bonfire on the beach to roast marshmallows. Mostly I think we built the bonfire to be around the opposite sex and revel in the hormones that were EVERYWHERE! I remember that there was a full moon out that night. I had to leave the gathering early to keep my curfew. As I was walking to my car, trying to catch up to my friends, HE pulled me on the side.

He said, "I have to show you something."

"What is it?" I replied.

He nudged me around to face him and proceeded to slobber all over my mouth. I had thought he was a good-looking guy but was totally unprepared for the kiss especially since we had very limited interactions. It's not like we had known each other all our lives which was the case with all the other guys I knew in school. It was totally awkward. On top of that, I had never kissed before and I didn't know how to reciprocate even if I wanted to. **sigh** I pulled away, pushed him back, and told him to stop. I remember him looking at me with puppy dog eyes but it didn't work on me. I walked toward my friends realizing that they had seen the entire incident. Needless to say, as teenagers usually do, we rehashed the events of the evening over and over while eating a chicken sandwich from 7-11 and a bag of Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream.

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Pretty in Pink Photo Credit

San Francisco Tourists

2010-11-16T17:13:00.000-10:00

Our daytrip to San Francisco was fun. Husband and I tooled around like tourists. We had a great time on the BART. It is so convenient!!

Golden Gate Bridge from Alcatraz Island... wonderful!

A portion of the Bay Bridge and the San Francisco skyline... taken from Alcatraz Island.

The Bay Bridge -- taken from the Ferry Building, Port of San Francisco. It was truly a beautiful day!

Me @ Alcatraz Island... It was super-duper HOT. I was thinking it was going to be cool in San Fran at this time of year. I was soooo wrong!

A beautiful path on Alcatraz Island. I think I'm getting better at the whole photography thing. :-) I did not edit this photo at all.

Gorgeous shot... looks like it should be a jigsaw puzzle or something. I love this picture!

Alcatraz Island shot of the Bay Bridge. Really beautiful.

Love this photo!

What a wonderful place to eat. To the left of this shot was a huge skating rink, sponsored by Hawaiian Airlines. Very interesting.

Fisherman's Wharf... a standard of San Francisco Tourism.

Gorgeous skyline!

I had all the settings correct on my camera to get such a blue sky and beautiful colors. I did not edit this shot at all. I love it!!

These bathroom stations were so convenient. I did not have to wander around looking for a toilet.

San Francisco has some gorgeous architecture. Next trip to San Francisco will include a walk through the city and maybe Chinatown to catch all the interesting buildings.